i have so much to write and so little time….it’s already late and i want to watch tv or a movie. so…briefly….last week i bought my danya a dvd player so we can watch movies at her house now, she really appreciated it, she thought it was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for her. i like doing things for people that appreciate them. hmm…i’ve watched a few dvds, i’ll post comments about them soon. i will say that the new exorcist is much better than i figured it would be, but still doesn’t explain as much as i want. i watched season one of Carnivale…it’s a damn good show, comes on HBO or you can buy seas 1 on dvd. i haven’t seen any of season 2 yet. i’ve been making a new friend from the mardi gras party, we’ve talked nearly every day for close to two weeks now, she’s a cool chick. i went to dallas over the weekend, did a lot of shopping and sightseeing, had a good time, saw the jfk assassination site, really weird being there..like, it was “there” i guess…just seems so alien to think about it. i bought more new shoes in dallas, i really like them. the pain is starting to dull, it’s turning into something other than being upset. i’m not sure if i like the way it’s moving though, because i’m afraid some people are going to see a side of me that they never want to see…especially if things keep happening. weird incident last week…i was talking to a friend at work, and i walked away for a minute and came back and Shallow was standing there talking to her. i looked in the cube and saw someone, and i just stared at this person with their back to me trying to figure out who it was…like, going over in my head who looks like that and who would be talking to my friend, and it was Shallow…i didn’t even fucking “recognize” her. i was 2 feet away and had no clue who she was…i don’t like that feeling, not for me but for her…if i didn’t even sense that she was the person i was looking at, it makes me feel like she truly HAS become something else…it makes me feel sorry for her that she has masked and transformed so quickly. i’ve watched others do it…they couldn’t keep it up for long…we always come back. i saw her today in our deli at work…our eyes caught each other almost like instinct…and in that brief second i think we had a whole conversation just by looking at each other. i don’t want to be so disgusted by her but i don’t know what else i can do. she has done so many mean things to me and has shown no compassion about any of it, i don’t know why i should offer any doubt that she means it. i want to give people credit, like they really aren’t as bad as they act…but with her actions and words both she shows that i don’t even exist in her mind anymore. i told her i’d be replaced within a month…shed one more tear for me and hurt that i’m out of your life..