i don’t even fucking know anymore…everything keeps changing, things keep falling through my fingertips…maybe i shouldn’t keep my hands open and inviting to such lackluster things, maybe i should keep my hands tighter and only let in the things that try. this is SO ungodly difficult for me to do…to not speak a word, to not type a word…it feels the same as all the other times it happens. i’ve tried to keep myself numb of all things, and it works well as long as i’m not in the vicinity of the thing. i don’t know why it affects me so, but i get that jump in my chest and throat, the feeling of pain and resentment dancing, it’s staggering. it makes my head swirl and my mind swoon. why? it isn’t worth it, not this time. close your eyes and be happy daniel, close your eyes and be happy daniel… i held you for a night, i held you for a day, i held you in my arms, i held you as my own i take pleasure in knowing you felt the same way, i felt happiness knowing i wasn’t alone for once things were beautiful and peaceful in my world for once time was revolving around our two hearts it was an intensely passionate moment unfurled, and i couldn’t imagine our bodies being apart your heated breath against my skin, your lips against mine the taste of your body, the scent of your soul with all pleasures and sins feeling exquisitely divine the day that i had you, the time it was us, that time you made me whole… i had my day, i’ll remember my day…now fucking shut this off. i’m getting my new tattoo tomorrow, i want to close my eyes and feel someone hurt me so i can distance myself from you people…so i can control feeling SOMETHING that isn’t involving another fucking person… i can’t apologize for the things i’ve said or done, and i’m not going to apologize for the things i’ve written…not for Shallow, not for She-Hag…not for anyone else…everyone takes it upon themselves to climb in my head and read these thoughts…and i appreciate them taking the time to do so. i also can’t apologize or defend the actions made by others offering their comments. i’ve been victim of the same hazing, and it was over the same reasons…me being fucking stupid for chasing stars. i want to go home. bitches love me cuz they know that i can rock bitches love me cuz they know that i can rhyme bitches love me cuz they know that i can fuck bitches love me cuz they know that i’m on time…