i can say i feel a lot better after reading this, it’s good that someone has admitted to me that their feelings were true and real, even after all the pain i’ve had from her. thank you she-hag, you’ve brought at least a slight joy to my heart after believing that i really wasn’t as meaningful or important as i once felt. i AM better than that.

Of course you need to stay the way you are, you just need to quick dating the wrong girls.  I think one of your issues is the fact that you go after the pretty, preppy, popular girls lately.  They are going to always (with the exception of a few- which is what you need to figure out by weeding them out) view you as inferior to them because you are so different from them.  Your not the preppy, block shouldered jock type, and you can’t pretend to be.  They are going to use you for the emotional and conversational support they need because they are not getting it from their dense headed, cock driven boyfriends.  They want the outside qualities of these men, with the inside qualities you possess.  They need the medium just like you do sometimes.  Don’t be misled that your friendship is more than it is.  You’re one of the girlfriends, with boy parts.  Remember that movie where the chick wakes up as a dude and her best friend wanted to see the goodies?  Sometimes your close relationship with these girls can get confusing for the both of you because of your goodies.  It lets you test the sexual waters, which is obviously not the way to go.  I can tell you i have a friend who is married to one of these blockheads, and she dated and had an intense emotional relationship with a guy before that reminds me a lot of how you and I were.  She even cheated on her husband because she re-established that emotional connection with him years later, when she and her husband were not connecting as well.  She ran to this guy XXX, when she needed what she was lacking from YYY.  She slept with him one day, and stopped during the end saying she wasn’t sure what they were doing was right, then went home the same day and slept with her own husband that night.  The emotional connections for women are so much more titillating than any physical connection may seem to be in the beginning.  Once that physical excitement dulls down and you try to relate emotionally, and it just isn’t all there, someone who comes along who has that is intoxicating enough to sway you no matter whether or not that person fits your idea of the perfect looking boyfriend.  In the end I don’t think it has much to do other than that.  The people in this world are very shallow, and with women, your girlfriends are your biggest competition, so when it all comes down to it, people are so very concerned with how they are viewed and judged by other people, if they are not comfortable with you fitting in to their little realm, it’s gonna begin to make then angry and annoyed and you see where it goes from there.  Either they aren’t shallow, or they are.  You hooked up with this girl who you perceived was unsure about you two being more than friends blah blah, she was unsure about what I just said above.  If you get this vibe from the beginning, beware, ok.  If she was behaving this way still, when you were spending so much time by yourselves connecting, then you should have stopped- because she’s one of the shallow ones.  I was the same way in the beginning, and it was for the same reason, but we talked about the differences, and in the end I decided to go for it, and I felt good about us and nothing else mattered.  (remember I wasn’t sure I wanted to be more than friends in the beginning, and I played games to keep you on my team still, but I always avoided going out alone with you.  Then one time you asked me out and I said ok that was when things started changing, once we spent one on one time together, a few times of that and I saw that we could be a couple.  If I was really shallow, I would still have been iffy because of what other people would think when they saw us together, I would still have kept saying “Idon’t know” to you, and that’s not how it should be. It should be a definite one way or the other and you shouldn’t accept anything less for yourself.  You don’t deserve to be dragged around after somebody emotionally because they don’t know, you want someone who knows your worth it, the whole you.  You know, no matter how many times I heard “I can’t see you two together”  this shouldn’t be a statement to make either couple feel like the better one either, obviously if you’re too different for her friends it’s prolly true that she didn’t match up with yours either.  It always made me mad- that statement, because it made it sound like you weren’t good enough for me or something, if I was shallow enough to let that go to my head, I wasn’t good enough for you either then.  That’s how it should be.  In the end all that matters is you two and later your family.  You don’t come home to hear about everyone else’s drama, you care about your family and nothing else matters as much  you know.