So many words unspoken. I don’t really know what normal feels like anymore. Every day just feels like a struggle to make my brain feel “ok” instead of what all the chemicals make it feel like. I’m not even robotic, I’m something that I don’t know how to name. This doesn’t feel real anymore, and […]
I don’t think I realized how different it is to be alone and to not be alone. all this time off from recovery, I had company a few nights, and it’s something I never noticed about how everything seems safer with another person just being around, in the other room. this sucks. I thought I […]
i’m still having unpleasant thoughts. it baffles me that it has taken so long for everything to flood back, or maybe it’s everything that i’ve swallowed and hidden for so many years. i keep thinking about mortality, and being alone, and having no real legacy. should i have been married and had kids by now? […]
today was rough. i’m not entirely sure why, but everything ached in my soul. so many feelings from the past washed over me and broke me down. the past few days had started feeling painful, and for some reason today just left me feeling utterly sad and broken. i haven’t felt this bad in years, […]
I say it all the time, but I really need to post more. I think I have too many thoughts that run out of control in my brain.
suddenly this has become a new nightmare. I lose track of time and even space, and have had trouble finding my way back. given the chance, all I do is sleep, and in that sleep, I can’t wake up. I mean literally that I can’t wake up. I feel trapped in places that I don’t […]
the past several nights have been full of dreams. i’ve dreamt of my ghosts…ghosts from the past, present, and future. i saw the lion, and that was painful. everything felt current, and felt real, and i still have trouble sorting that one out. it was like everything started again exactly where it left off, with […]
she’s pretty and I like her. I want to grab her by the hair and tell her. but I won’t and shouldn’t. I can’t. I can only wait and see.
not sure why, or what. people just seem, quieter than normal, and less responsive.
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