I realized the other day, that you’ve taken away my Halloween spirit. I didn’t have the urge 6 months ago, and the urge has not returned for this year. It’s maddening. I can’t believe I didn’t notice this before. All I can do at this point is keep fighting to find it again. It is […]
I think i felt my sleep issue last night. It seems to be my level of consciousness. I’m not sleeping deeply enough, or, my brain is staying awake. I felt myself sleeping, but i was still awake. And I’m probably one of few to actually understand that feeling.
I’m not man enough to be human but I’m trying to fit in and I’m learning to fake it Don’t ever meet their friends It tells you too much or not enough or worse exactly the wrong thing every nuance every detail every movement every smell sound phrase inflection the way she laughs these are […]
I guess the worst part of someone presuming to hate and/or never speaking to me again is remembering every day that there must truly be a dangerous part of me. I don’t like believing that part of me exists; i especially don’t like admitting it exists.
I dreamt of love, and dreamt of death, all within less than 3 hours. Her name was Denise, I think, and now I’m forgetting her face. I only remember her energy, and the shine behind her eyes, and in that smallest moment, I felt something real again. The visions always fade so quickly. Blonde hair, […]
Some days i really miss the lives I’ve lost. Things certainly seemed much brighter.
The one thing that so often cuts my Hubris is vodka. The only time i find myself weak is after drinking, and in that weakness, i relinquish all my power through simple texts and facebook posts. If only there was a breathalyzer for using a phone after a night out. The problem with this weakness […]
It depressed me. I’d hoped that sting would be gone, but it was there once the night was over. I do often wish I was as callous as I pretend to be.
Some days, some moments. I still feel it in my veins. Perhaps i should call it poison…but that’s not entirely fair. This morning i realized i’d stopped feeling the traces when walking hallways at work. That alone was enough to drive me mad, but now I’m not sure when I quit noticing. I admit, sometimes […]
and now she is back in my dreams? this is uncalled for. there’s really no obvious reason (subtle, yes) that i should even bother dreaming of her. it’s bothersome. and the first dream was reconciliation and sorrow, second was back to dumping me because i needed to use my free time for work projects and […]
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