Iniquity of Flitzanu

So many times I wish my gut instinct could be wrong or off, just once.

The voices are screaming again. They always have my best interest, yet I still ignore them. They’re telling me it’s all clearly right in front of me, but still I ignore them. I always ignore them.

And now I start remembering why I ever believe those that call me Monster. Some days it’s difficult to contain the darkness. But I still do, and I keep fighting it.

My black, broken heart will always be stronger than your rosy, delusional sense of happiness. 🙂

I realized today…that I’m so pissed at myself for censoring my thoughts a year ago. Every single visceral pen stroke that I’d erased at the behest of a lying, whining face wanting to preserve social dignity. Of course comfort wasn’t found so quickly in the arms and bed of another. Of course my feelings matter. […]

It sickens me that I still hear those words. It disgusts me that I even allowed that smallest bit of my soul to be destroyed that night. Most would argue it was coincidental, but history has shown you to be a manipulative genius. “I’m sick of your bullshit. You’re a selfish, arrogant prick, and I’m […]

And part of me is still burning. Every time such words were spoken, they were simply bullshit. “why didn’t you call me?” “why didn’t you chase me?” “you didn’t try to fix it, so I knew you didn’t care.” Yaknowwhat?? FUCK you. And verily, fuck all of you that have ever said such things to […]

Perhaps I’m perpetually broken. Perhaps I’m always the catalyst and the lesson. Bending my knees to serve my purpose has always been most difficult, but at times, we must simply do as we are told. And perhaps my indignation is my torment… Or is it my salvation?