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Author Archives: flitzanu
Mar
13
2015
No surfin colorado.
I’ve forgotten what it’s like to dream. All lines have been so badly blurred by chemical reactions that nothing ever felt real anymore, especially not dreams. Within those blurred lines I had glimpses of “me” still somewhere waiting, and I’ve had no way to…remember. The catalyst was simply changing chemicals. Now, I remember everything, and […]
Mar
05
2015
Happy?
I don’t really remember how to be happy anymore. Is that weird? Is anyone really happy? Two things control my life and ruin relationships…recent surgery has hopefully fixed one, and hopefully I can determine that my thyroid causes the other, being all the depression, disinterest, detachment, and drain. Fatigue cannot explain how difficult my life […]
Feb
09
2015
12 hours
Here we go. It has been years since I’ve had a serious medical procedure performed, so I can’t decide if I’m stressed or just on edge as normal. It is a bit of a relief that I can hopefully be rid of the problem and stop having such social anxiety about it…or…everything goes horribly wrong. […]
Dec
27
2014
Cherchez
One day things are brilliant, and the next day things are gone. It is incredibly confusing, this whole “life” thing. So many months have passed with zero words spoken…and before that…so many years passed with no words spoken…is it me? Do they run? Do they change? The common denominator turns out to be me, so […]
Dec
24
2014
Persistence of Imperfection
I keep waking up in the wrong place. All the littlest things are different, but always the things most valued. I’ve luckily found the ones that keep remembering me, but the rest seem oblivious. I could chalk it up as normality, but so often this keeps happening. Someone comes close enough, and then hours afterward […]