Iniquity of Flitzanu

and another song post.  there is so much desperation in these words, such hopelessness…pain…and a taste of subtle bitterness.  it’s lovely…it melts in my mouth when i want to FEEL something.  right now i want to feel sad.  i DO feel sad.  this…is the sadness of being happy, however, not the other kind.  the sadness […]

i’m always such a fucking jackass. only days ago i told myself i wouldn’t let my insecurity get the best of me…and what do i do… and then only alienate the situation further by doing it.   i hate having you believe that i’m no different than anyone else.

had an old friend ask me a question about the Celestine Prophecy.  she asked which Control Drama type i think she is, and it made me want to brush up a little, so here it is.  this is an excerpt from “The Celestine Prophecy:  An Experiential Guide” about control dramas. — Intimidator Intimidators get everyone […]

*something i just…muddled together a couple years ago. had a friend that…was in a shitty relationship…never wanted to see the truth about it, and…this is what i came up with when i tried to repeat what she was telling me* —————————– you belittle me you treat me like a child you make it my fault […]

what the fuck? hah. yeah. you’re tricked. just 3am, watching tv…and an infomercial came on about “Pos T Vac” which is apparently something to help with ED as they’re abbreviating it. “husband and wife think they don’t love each other anymore because of it.” wow…your dick doesn’t get hard…so you don’t love me and you’re […]

i think i’ve felt censored lately. not sure why. just a phase, i suppose. sometimes my insecurity really gets the better of me and it can be hard to shrug off certain things, but i’m working on it. of course this isn’t a “me” problem, it’s a human problem. we always want to feel special, […]

you know, sometimes we never stop to think about and appreciate those around us. my friends…are great. all of them. maybe i haven’t told them individually, or for any particular reason, but they rock. my friends are so open and accepting, and it’s rare to have so many people that are. they’ve always been overly […]

Pearl Jam — “Wishlist” I wish I was a neutron bomb, for once I could go off I wish I was a sacrifice but somehow still lived on I wish I was a sentimental ornament you hung on The Christmas tree, I wish I was the star that went on top I wish I was […]

NIN — The Only Time i’m drunk. and right now i’m so in love with you. and i don’t want to think too much about what we should or shouldn’t do. lay my hands on Heaven and the sun and the moon and the stars. while the devil wants to fuck me in the back […]

i’ve realized…i’m slipping. i’m letting others win.  i’ve wanted to believe i’m staying on top, and i’m not.  i’ve let so many subtle things and comments dissuade me from upholding my self-image and i need to put a stop to it NOW.  i’ve worked too damn hard to raise myself to where i am after […]