now day 5, was on yesterday, back off meds again today (and for tomorrow). definite increase in fuzziness, a tad more dissassociated and detached and a tad hard to focus. a bit more lethargic, i’d love to just be in bed sleeping, but i’m less so when i’m actually doing something (like working right now). […]

today was my “on” day for the meds. i can definitely tell a difference too. i had a really bad headache when i woke up, not the typical kind, but the withdrawal kind. yes, i’ve done this all before, been through it all before, so i know exactly what to expect and how it all […]

If you only knew how very little I cared about what you thought, and the craziness you believe. You do bring me great joy at your utter stupidity!!!!!!! I’m over it, over all of you, all of your petty, childish, self-centered behavior. Thank God….I am free from whatever it is that I let you bind me […]

always do i seem to dream of them when they are furthest away. nearly every night i’ve seen her face, we’ve laughed, we’ve interacted…in the way things were recently. it’s such a shame to wake up again and know that it was all in my head. i can only hope to see her face again […]

sickness has taken most of my voice, but that’s unrelated to what i’m doing anyway. my head isn’t as clogged, but now it’s definitely fuzzy due to withdrawal. i was going to take a bit more time to do this, but even after a whole day without it, i’ve woken up feeling more emotion than […]

today i start my regimen to wean from my meds. withdrawal is going to be intense i’m sure, but luckily i haven’t been on too long this run. only a couple months. i’m in for a ride. i feel i have some positive influences in my life right now that keep me sane and keep […]

NIN — Terrible Lie hey God why are you doing this to me? am i not living up to what i’m supposed to be? why am i seething with this animosity? hey God i think you owe me a great big apology. terrible lie terrible lie terrible lie terrible lie hey God i really don’t […]

hmm…well, things have been so strange lately, almost dreamlike. positive things in my life have been happening, i’ve become closer with a very close friend of mine, work is great…i guess i just don’t have much to complain about. gwar is july 3rd…day off july 4th… my eyes have reopened to so many things, and […]

just a reminder, Kalifornia is such a great movie. everyone needs to see it. and it was awesome to hang with SHE and watch it! hugs.

wow…i had like…the best night ever. i can’t even compare. the words i received from my Lashes, the words i read to my Lashes…it’s all just a fucking dream. the reaction i saw, the reaction i felt…nothing can even compare…seriously. we ate lasagna…we drank vodka…we shared pudding as i fed her with my spoon…she fed […]