seems that now my chest has decided to start spasming. i hurt it tuesday, not sure if i did something to the muscle, tendon, rib, or what. you all know i’m fragile anyway. well…now it’s fucking twitching and spasming…and i’m nearly in tears. yeah i just complained and whined about something. this really really hurts. […]

sometimes i just can’t find words (or maybe my words just…don’t do justice) for the emotions in my head…my heart is riddled with sympathy right now and i’m stuck knowing there’s nothing i can do to help. i understand…i do…there is NOTHING i can do…mentally or physically…but it doesn’t stop me from hurting. i wish […]

you just never know what life will bring you…and each day we find ourselves amazed at the depravity of humankind…man’s inhumanity to man… it’s a fucked up world indeed. for those of you that may have caught the news, there was a body of a young, early 20s girl recovered from the Verdigris River. and…for […]

and i was right. now i’m leaving 10 minutes later than i wanted for work. i sat in silence…laid in silence…in my bed for hours, unable to sleep. all my thoughts raced about one person. every possible memory and scenario simply flooded my mind. i stared at my phone hoping it would ring, i listened […]

3:36 am and i can’t sleep. my thoughts always return to one person no matter how hard i’ve tried. my heart has been in my throat all evening, it has killed me to be so far away…don’t think that it hasn’t. my arms are empty tonight, all i’ve done is toss and turn when i’ve […]

Oh yes, i believe… i believe in death, i believe in disease… i believe in injustice, and inhumanity, and torture, and anger, and hate… i believe in murder, i believe in pain… i believe in cruelty and infidelity… i believe in slime, and stink…and in every crawling, putrid thing, every possible ugliness…and corruption…you SONOFABITCH… i […]

my apologies…to those of you who have heard only negative things about my life lately. it’s true that it isn’t fair that no one hears the good things…the positive things…the loving things. i run to my friends when i have issues and problems, and by doing so, i’m making someone feel a bit alienated because […]

today is my mom’s bday. happy birthday mom! i went to visit her today, she makes awesome roast beef and mashed potatoes. all of you are fucking jealous to the core. and no, my mom is not weird…my family is very very normal compared to me…so, take a guess…who’s the outsider? who’s the fuckup? 🙂 […]

you are my rock…you are the one keeping me sane and keeping me from snapping…my love is infinite and it scares the everliving shit out of me. i never thought i’d care for another person this much, and sometimes i just don’t know what to do. i still feel so at home and so comfortable […]

i’m fucking worn out. how bold of a statement is that? i’m mentally and physically thin. so much shit has happened over the past 4 months…good and bad… “so impressed with all you do, tried so hard to be like you” it almost reminds me of a time back in 99 when everything was just […]