today was rough. i’m not entirely sure why, but everything ached in my soul. so many feelings from the past washed over me and broke me down. the past few days had started feeling painful, and for some reason today just left me feeling utterly sad and broken. i haven’t felt this bad in years, […]
suddenly this has become a new nightmare. I lose track of time and even space, and have had trouble finding my way back. given the chance, all I do is sleep, and in that sleep, I can’t wake up. I mean literally that I can’t wake up. I feel trapped in places that I don’t […]
the past several nights have been full of dreams. i’ve dreamt of my ghosts…ghosts from the past, present, and future. i saw the lion, and that was painful. everything felt current, and felt real, and i still have trouble sorting that one out. it was like everything started again exactly where it left off, with […]
I haven’t felt this sad in a long time. I can’t quite place it all, but many memories from decades ago are washing over me. Everything is a reminder that I’m never going to have that again.
I’ve forgotten what it’s like to dream. All lines have been so badly blurred by chemical reactions that nothing ever felt real anymore, especially not dreams. Within those blurred lines I had glimpses of “me” still somewhere waiting, and I’ve had no way to…remember. The catalyst was simply changing chemicals. Now, I remember everything, and […]
I don’t really remember how to be happy anymore. Is that weird? Is anyone really happy? Two things control my life and ruin relationships…recent surgery has hopefully fixed one, and hopefully I can determine that my thyroid causes the other, being all the depression, disinterest, detachment, and drain. Fatigue cannot explain how difficult my life […]
One day things are brilliant, and the next day things are gone. It is incredibly confusing, this whole “life” thing. So many months have passed with zero words spoken…and before that…so many years passed with no words spoken…is it me? Do they run? Do they change? The common denominator turns out to be me, so […]
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