i’m changing the world, what are you doing with your life?

i dreamt of you again, when you were the you that i knew, but a new you now, to know as i knew you then. and everything was going to be perfect when we started our lives again. but of course, all my dreams lie to me.

http://youtu.be/DUhvnSi3hVg

It depressed me. I’d hoped that sting would be gone, but it was there once the night was over. I do often wish I was as callous as I pretend to be.

So many times I wish my gut instinct could be wrong or off, just once.

The voices are screaming again. They always have my best interest, yet I still ignore them. They’re telling me it’s all clearly right in front of me, but still I ignore them. I always ignore them.

And now I start remembering why I ever believe those that call me Monster. Some days it’s difficult to contain the darkness. But I still do, and I keep fighting it.

My black, broken heart will always be stronger than your rosy, delusional sense of happiness. 🙂

I realized today…that I’m so pissed at myself for censoring my thoughts a year ago. Every single visceral pen stroke that I’d erased at the behest of a lying, whining face wanting to preserve social dignity. Of course comfort wasn’t found so quickly in the arms and bed of another. Of course my feelings matter. […]

It sickens me that I still hear those words. It disgusts me that I even allowed that smallest bit of my soul to be destroyed that night. Most would argue it was coincidental, but history has shown you to be a manipulative genius. “I’m sick of your bullshit. You’re a selfish, arrogant prick, and I’m […]