i went to shogun’s last night..i haven’t been there since i went with the stripper, and even then i don’t remember much of that night…way too much saki saki. it was good stuff, i even ate the shrimp…which i’m not big on seafood of any kind, but it was pretty good. the steak was awesome, not as good as the Big Texan steakhouse, but better than i’ve had in oklahoma i’d say. i love red meat… by the suggestion of someone, i need to try greek food. i want to try lamb, i’ve been told it’s sooo good…

ok, here’s my incident for today. yesterday i was thinking very heavily about my friend kaia, i haven’t talked to or seen her since october of last year i think. i kept hesitating about trying to call her for some reason, i’d look at my phone but didn’t go through with it. so…today, about 10 mins ago, i get a text message from her saying “hey it’s kaia, here’s my new cell #” coincidence? fuck no it isn’t a coincidence.

Reassuring and convincing me that I’m somebody, too… But I’m not …. But you wouldn’t realize that if I was looking through your eyes then I would wanna die… “Through Your Eyez” Twiztid Through your eyes you think we’re all the same Through your eyes we’re all the same Through your eyes you think we’re all the same Through your eyes we’re all the same [Chorus (2x):] Through your eyes you think we’re all the same (Tell me can you see me now?) Through your eyes we’re all the same (t-t-t-t-t-t-t-tell me can you see me now?) I’m an optical illusion Your expectations of me awaiting stone like Medusa Lashing at me ripping out my mortal being But your foundation is flimsy and slowly crumbling Everything has an end Now let’s pretend that pipe dreams are made of medicine Make me feel better again Made me feel better than them Or true or false sitting together again I can’t despise the way you capitalize On situations the way you always seem to It’s been a surpise the way you speak those lies Reassuring and convincing me that I’m somebody, too But I’m not See, you wouldn’t comprehend this Insignificant magic deep within, inside But you wouldn’t realize That if I was looking through your eyes then I would wanna die [Chorus (2x)] I need the bogs and jungles and planets that you ain’t never heard of Sit with gorillas in the mist and blaze the herb up My thoughts are fixed with a 12 gauge My skin is all covered in paint from head to toe trying to hide me from the sun rays My wicked ways will be death of y’all My reflection is your curtain call Bless me father, hear us all My contemplations premeditated I’m heavily medicated Into the underground is what I’m dedicated I can’t handle so I blaze the weed And I give a fuck less bitches if ya hating me Just wait and see in turn full circle on the bottom again Lookin up watching all the clouds Turn purple, like your back ass out I thought I told y’all motherfuckers, bitch we don’t die [Chorus 2x] I ain’t the one to blow your head off to the scapegoat The one you bitches blame cause you sinking in your boat Bitch I slit your god damn throat And leave ya twitching Twiztid ain’t the reason why yo ass bullshitting [RADIO] Them scared of playing us Underground bitches, it ain’t no love for the famous Get your ropes cut quick, low maintenance Sitting in the dark and I ain’t got to make the playlist Effortless excuses (my bad) For why they don’t saturate situations for they nooses And who are we to go and call you out? We done heard all the stories and don’t what the fuck they talking about I’m not a puppet, so don’t pull my strings I don’t need nobody trying to hold me, console me, control me, shit You’re the one trying to change me, make me into something that I’m not [Chorus (4x)]

i have so much to write and so little time….it’s already late and i want to watch tv or a movie. so…briefly….last week i bought my danya a dvd player so we can watch movies at her house now, she really appreciated it, she thought it was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for her. i like doing things for people that appreciate them. hmm…i’ve watched a few dvds, i’ll post comments about them soon. i will say that the new exorcist is much better than i figured it would be, but still doesn’t explain as much as i want. i watched season one of Carnivale…it’s a damn good show, comes on HBO or you can buy seas 1 on dvd. i haven’t seen any of season 2 yet. i’ve been making a new friend from the mardi gras party, we’ve talked nearly every day for close to two weeks now, she’s a cool chick. i went to dallas over the weekend, did a lot of shopping and sightseeing, had a good time, saw the jfk assassination site, really weird being there..like, it was “there” i guess…just seems so alien to think about it. i bought more new shoes in dallas, i really like them. the pain is starting to dull, it’s turning into something other than being upset. i’m not sure if i like the way it’s moving though, because i’m afraid some people are going to see a side of me that they never want to see…especially if things keep happening. weird incident last week…i was talking to a friend at work, and i walked away for a minute and came back and Shallow was standing there talking to her. i looked in the cube and saw someone, and i just stared at this person with their back to me trying to figure out who it was…like, going over in my head who looks like that and who would be talking to my friend, and it was Shallow…i didn’t even fucking “recognize” her. i was 2 feet away and had no clue who she was…i don’t like that feeling, not for me but for her…if i didn’t even sense that she was the person i was looking at, it makes me feel like she truly HAS become something else…it makes me feel sorry for her that she has masked and transformed so quickly. i’ve watched others do it…they couldn’t keep it up for long…we always come back. i saw her today in our deli at work…our eyes caught each other almost like instinct…and in that brief second i think we had a whole conversation just by looking at each other. i don’t want to be so disgusted by her but i don’t know what else i can do. she has done so many mean things to me and has shown no compassion about any of it, i don’t know why i should offer any doubt that she means it. i want to give people credit, like they really aren’t as bad as they act…but with her actions and words both she shows that i don’t even exist in her mind anymore. i told her i’d be replaced within a month…shed one more tear for me and hurt that i’m out of your life..

i’m 2 dope and i sport tight wranglers, don’t say a word or i’ll kick you in the neck bitch.

check my other blog for some pics from the trip, that’s all for now…i haven’t had time to make a large post about what we did in dallas yet. http://flitzanu.blogspot.com

Notes for the trip

Saw sign 17 mph

Saw tollbooth lady come out of porta potty and walk back to booth and
take money