ah yes…that’s always such a great excuse, “it wasn’t intentional.” if we “do” it, it’s intentional. Unfortunately, “pain is an unavoidable side effect.” Saying “it wasn’t intentional” and “i never wanted to hurt you” is human nature, we don’t want to hurt others and we don’t intend to hurt people’s feelings…but we do. The actions we make that hurt people ARE intentional because we choose to make them. It’s a flat out apathetic cover for a human response. Human nature tells us to say…”i didn’t want to hurt you” because we know that we will hurt someone, and we still do it willingly. If I should say right now i’m not “intending” to piss you off with what i’m saying, but that’s not true, i know that it will piss you off, and i’m still saying it, does that still mean it’s unintentional? we have a basic human drive to NOT want others to suffer and hurt…it’s our nature. Ask yourself how you would feel to watch someone be tortured, to watch someone be damaged or injured…to watch them writhe in pain under a knife, or to cry out in agony under a blunt object striking their face. Would you react? Would you want it to happen? No…we don’t want it to happen to anyone. So by saying “it wasn’t intentional” or “i didn’t mean to hurt you” you are simply saying “hey, my human nature and conscience tells me that i don’t want you to suffer, and so i’m going to repeat it to you because it will sound like i don’t know what i’m doing.” if you make the choice, you’ve done something intentional. take responsibility for your actions and decisions…we all make them willingly. next time you think you want to say “i never wanted to hurt you” ask yourself if you didn’t really want to hurt them, why did you allow yourself into a situation that would? –ds

Sometimes I feel so worthless….sometimes I feel discarded….I wish
that I could be the king….

this is the theory of a close friend about how a woman needs 3 men to fulfill all the things they need…because one won’t have all the qualities. — One guy to take me out and have fun…for partying and just for partying. One guy for the emotionally side, spilling your heart to and have those “deep conversations” and the third is strictly for physical use. Extremely shallow, but effective in theory. It’s hard to find a guy that fits all of those categories and it has yet to be found. —

ok…don’t remember all the dream…i remember talking to Shallow for a brief time, i remember her saying something like “i could tell you a 1000 things i like about…” something, i don’t remember. then the reverse, 1000 things i DON’T like about….whatever. the part that stands out, i was in some type of auditorium and there were people there i knew, and some song came on and Ryan Hambrick was there, old classmate. She laughed and grabbed my hand and we danced around, i twirled her and she twirled me, etc…like we were just playing around to make everyone laugh. i haven’t seen her in years and i don’t know what the relevance would be. oh i do remember being in an electronics store buying some weird compactflash memory card housing thing, it was some type of new mp3 player or something. dunno. of course my psychic thoughts are still around…the minute i think “i bet Shallow will end up right behind me on the highway…” and she was. ugh…..