i’ve made it past the first day of march, usually such a bad day…but it was uneventful for the most part. of course tragedy has HAPPENED in march for me…i was hit in the head with the beam at toys r us in march…cut of my fingertip in march…plenty of time for something to happen. “i still recall the taste of your tears…”

so, in dreams…i still hear it talking to me…the words from the Shallow lips…”i miss the attention you gave me…i miss the way you look so deeply at me….no one else does it and i won’t be able to replace it” fuck myself.

nothing much to even say. it sickens me to hold so much disgust for something, it makes me feel like one of “them.” sometimes i wish they would just take me back, i don’t need to be here anymore, i don’t know why they want me to go through all these things…if it’s for enjoyment or for comic relief…what…i just sometimes want to go back. i get tired of playing human games, i want to be what i am inside, i want to be able to show it and express it and not have people flip out and push me away…or tell me how disgusting i am on the outside and how they could “never be with someone like me” and whatever else they like to say. you select few have seen the inside, you were captured, you were thrilled…and then you fucking bolted away. go on with your temporal happiness and your vain endeavors at finding the next cute thing to walk in front of you. i don’t want to see the Shallow Beast in my dreams anymore, i don’t want to picture her face while i’m sleeping…seeing her smile, watching her laugh, hearing her voice…such things would bring such pleasure and now they only bring bitterness…dance with what is popular and appealing for now, dance with the pretty faces and the expensive dressers…dance with the devil that you know, and continue to be afraid of the one you pretend you don’t.

i’m still waiting. nothing so far, just a visual of the Shallow Beast i don’t want to see. it’s a waste of my time to even have a reaction about it. both of them just sicken me anymore.

so today is my recurring day of reckoning, of birth and death, happiness and pain…what evil mockery is in store? what joyous events will occurr? give me your best fucking shot.

“I’m The Only One” (feat. Shaggy 2 Dope) [Monoxide Child] I should have knew she was a freak by the way she walked And when I talked to her it was like she never got caught To this day, she swear to God it wasn’t shit Unless she straight up just tripped and fell up on a fat dick I know I been around the block a few times So I really didn’t mind that her mouth had some stretch lines She had me thinking I’m a straight up Mack When in fact, I’m just another who can hit it from the back And attack her intestinal track and leave a puddle of spat Down the middle of her pimpled ass crack And then smack, I had to give that bitch a black eye Because the pussy just don’t feel right, don’t know why I thought I was the shit and had this all on lockdown Come to find out that my girl’s just a cockhound I couldn’t deal with it, I had to bail out quick Because that bitch just love sucking strange dick [Chorus x2] She said I’m the only one …Said I’m the only one …Said I’m the only one Fuck You! [Shaggy 2 Dope] What up young freaky freak tantalizing tender? Ain’t seen you in a week and you know I’m on the tether Whatever. I’m free at 3:45, remember? I’ll call you around 8:00 and we can get together Damn, now this bitch she should do a thing or two Grabbed my meat and did the Electric Boogaloo Awww shit! What the fuck she did? Had my nuts kick stepping and my wang did the Jig That ain’t shit, check it out homie Pull my wallet out my pocket and check my I.D. For sure, just to make sure it’s me And I’m a Michiganny coming straight from the D We dicked it up, we dicked it down I hit it from the back, she gave me reaches around But fuck all that, instead I gave her a call *fucking* PAUL!? [Chorus x2] She said I’m the only one …Said I’m the only one …Said I’m the only one Fuck You! [Jamie Madrox] Son of a bitch This bitch got big old hickies on her neck And dick on her breathe Trying to kiss me talking about “Hey boo…” What the fucks wrong with you? (Dumb Bitch!) You could have brushed your teeth after licking his balls You could have had the decency to give me a call I was worried like a motherfucka hoping you was straight While you was sucking and fucking some strange trouser snake I thought I was the only python in your thong, bitch That’s the same pussy that I put my fucking tongue on Exactly how long that this been happening? You going to random men just for action? What am I? Some kind of dumb lame fuck? Or just another dick in your butt? Say something Were you trying to crush my heart just for fun? It was my fault for thinking when I thought I was the only one [Chorus x2] She said I’m the only one …Said I’m the only one …Said I’m the only one Fuck You!

stay the fuck out of my head, i’m so sick of fucking thinking about you.

Thick hips…thick legs…saggy…fat, flat ass…love handles…and
horrible actions like this…this attitude, this personality…these
misgivings…what the fuck are you? Can I even call you human anymore?
Can I even say that you are what I saw? Is your true nature being
overshadowed by a darker spirit that you’re unaware exists? So many
things that I wouldn’t believe a creature could do to another, not even
by human standards…it is just unreal….I know that I’m seen when
you’re eyes are closed, I know you dream and remember all those things
that made your heart pound…

What the fuck has happened to you that drives you so mad…wht the fuck
has happened to your heart?

I’ll see from a distance, I’ll glance at your eyes and see you hide your
pain…I’ll be forever standing there to fucking pick you up when you’ve
fallen…

gwar was fucking awesome thursday night, i had such a blast. i’ll have pics soon, though the shirt i wore had some nylon in it or something so it didn’t stain the way i wanted, it just turned a pinkish hue. oh well, i still have my memories. my friends had a great time, it’s such a fucking rush and a new experience for anyone to see. in other news…i’ve made a lot of decisions and given thought to a lot about the current situation i’m in…and i’ve been played as a patsy, i’ve been played as the fool. the parties involved have had a major lack of respect for me and my friendship and especially my feelings and requests, so that’s it. i’m done. i’m tired of giving, only to have everything intentionally thrown in my face. find someone new to fucking bond over, i’m done giving a shit about anything you do. i’m severing cleanly. you cried once about losing my friendship, now you just mock me about keeping it. neither of you are worth my time.

Hated Me — ABK If you ever started hating me, how would you act? Like you never fucking knew me and you ain’t got my back If you ever started hating me, what would you do? Try and stab me in the back when I’m just passing through If you ever started hating me, fuck it that’s it Let it be known that you’re a hater and you’re just full of shit If you ever started hating me, then cast your stone Underground is better living then your mainstream home If you ever started hating me, then take it to the streets Detroit, Eastside 7 mile is where we’ll meet If you ever started hating me, then watch your back You’d be surprised what hood rats would do for crack If you ever started hating me, then keep your distance Why the fuck would you want to be up in my business? If you ever started hating me, it’s not my fault You just probably never liked me from the start motherfucker (Chorus) I say fuck you And all for no apologies For my mythologies I be just how I be and I be wicked, too So fuck your family If they damnin me And don’t try banning me This hatchet fam insanity How can it be uncandidly If you ever started hating me, then don’t come around Cause I don’t think you’re gonna like it if I’m beating you down Pistol whipping motherfuckers for the shit that they say Like my names the only reason that I act this way If you ever started hating me, then hold your breath Cause it just might be the last thing that you have left Grabbing on to your life moving closer to death Cause juggalos are getting fed up with the shit that you spread If you ever started hating me, then bitch fuck you If it’s that way motherfucker then I hate you to Tell your family eat a dick I hope they whole crew dies And they never fucking make it up to Shangri-La If you ever started hating me, then rest in peace Cause all the enemies I have are pretty much deceased Dedicated to the dark cause their soul was never wanted So now I pray that their afterlife is fucking haunted (Chorus) I say fuck you And all for no apologies For my mythologies I be just how I be and I be wicked, too So fuck your family If they damnin me And don’t try banning me This hatchet fam insanity How can it be uncandidly I can’t help what I feel when I write so I’ma tell it And I hope to all the haters that this shit is spreading The only reason there’s haters is cause they feel left out No life, no home cause juggalos shut them out So now they hide behind computers acting hard when they soft I swear to God I hope they’re fingers fall off I can’t stand them, to tell the truth I just don’t need them around So when I see ya I’ma teach ya how to get smacked down If you ever started hating me, just fall off the earth Because the soul your body carries really has no worth Understand the situation homie hate me or not Or is it yourself that you hate that’s why your stomache’s in knots Always feeling left out cause you don’t fit in So now you spread around this hate and still act like a friend But time will only tell how much your hatred grows That’s why we always screaming fuck a juggaho (Chorus)