i don’t follow my own rules all the time…which makes me hypocritical i suppose…or just another symptom of the duality of Aquarians…sure sure, the Gemini is the sign of the twins, but Aquarians are just full of contradictions within themselves… i understand the meaning of implicit rules and implicit understandings, and i don’t always follow them myself. i’ve tried to teach people to be vocal about how things make them feel, and then i don’t do it myself. i suppose maybe i didn’t quite understand what it was that slightly bothered me, but with reflection i realized that’s what it was i was doing. ok, so the easy explanation…i guess part of me felt something was a little more meaningful and personal that it was, like i felt maybe it was something special that i had with someone, and of course i never expressed that thought to the other person…so therefore i can’t hold them responsible for misunderstanding my reaction and that it just sorta hurt my feelings. of course it hurt my feelings because i can only guess that the other person may have not had the same idea about the “situation” as i did…but that’s ok. i’m stupid and i think too much into things most of the time, so that’s just me being a sentimental moron.

merry fucking christmas you newbie ass fucks.

i had the most magnificent Christmas Eve of my adult life last night…sometimes things just fall into place and make me smile so subtly to myself…some things people will just never understand… thank you for spending the time with me, it means more than i could tell you. i hope i was able to keep your mind occupied as well. as i told you, it makes me respect you that much more when i can sit with you and watch stupid movies and know that you’re laughing and you enjoy it…i always have such a great time when i’m with you no matter what we seem to be doing.

Daily Love for December 24, 2004 Provided by Astrology.com Daily Flirt: You never thought you’d have a sizzling affair during the holiday season, but that seems to be what’s happening. Who knew? This is incredible. Every day should be like this. Daily Couples: Appreciate the fullness of your relationship. Real companionship is worth celebrating, so throw yourselves a private party, complete with champagne and cupcakes. Daily Singles: Keep your eyes and ears open — today could be the day you meet your match. You’re primed for intellectual compatibility that will build into something deeper. Daily Extended Forecast for December 24, 2004 : There’s electricity in the air, and you’re likely to be the recipient of more than one admiring glance. Even if you aren’t used to this kind of attention, you feel sure that you could get used to it pretty quickly! If you’re single, this is a great time to begin a new romance. If you’re dating, married or similarly attached to someone, now is the moment to let them know how much you’re attracted to them. Expect surprises in the romance department, but some will be much more welcome than others. Daily Overview for December 24, 2004 Quickie: You are like a steady candle — spreading a little light wherever you go. Overview: It’s definitely going to be a wonderful day, and the evening looks even better thanks to a rather persistent suitor who just won’t take no for an answer. So why keep denying them the pleasure of your company?

i had so much fun talking to crush last night….maybe she was tired and being goofy or something, but we just laughed and giggled at each other…and played…it really makes me respect what we have, i love to have someone that i can feel close to and feel intimately attached to and also have them feel like they are my best friend…it’s a great feeling. that’s what i’ve really wanted from a relationship…someone that i can grow to be great friends with and then just have those feelings grow into something more special…which i still can’t say that that’s what is happening, but i can be wishful. things are still too recent and i don’t want a rash decision being made. i want it to happen the way it should, not because i’m the only thing available. i’m also really glad i get to spend as much time with her as i do, it’s funny…we always say things like we aren’t going to go to lunch as often or talk as often or hang out as often…but somehow we always end up together. she’s beautiful…she’s wonderful…she’s the true kind of soul that i’ve wanted for so long….

Santa’s A Fat Bitch Lyrics by ICP Sleigh bells jingle-ling rin jing jingle-ling Horses, horses, horses, horses. Sleigh bells jingle-ling ring jing jingle-ling [gunshot] Santa Claus suck my balls Drunk as hell rinking bells at the malls Dancer, Prancer, Dixon, and Qupid I’m a get stupid, ha ha ha, eh I sat around all night under the chimney Holdin my sack like “gimme gimme” I know that he’s commin, he’s commin he must Lookin up nuthin but rust, dust. Turn on my tv the very next day I see your gettin payed leadin the parade I’m that sniper on the buildin Listen to my nine go click, Santas a fat bitch Santa Claus is a fat bitch (Santa Claus is a fat fat bitch) Another year and I aint get shit (Another year I aint get shit) If I hear him land on my roof (Ohh my undertaker) I’m a bust your ass in the too-hoo-hoo-hoo-hooth Yeah I got somthin to say about St. Nick Fuck that hoe he never brought jack shit No toys, candy canes, just a lump of coal, So I eat it, cuz there ain’t nuttin in the cubbards So I’ll be quick, quick and brief Alls I need for Christmas is my two front teeth I got my teeth, kicked out my mouth I need a few new ones could you help me out Should of known I guessed I’d show not a steak No kinda gift I didn’t get shit Some say I was bad but that wasn’t it It’s all because, Santas a fat bitch Santa Claus is a fat bitch (Santa fuck you cuz your a hoe) Another year and I ain’t got shit (Another year I ain’t get shit) If I hear him land on my roof I’m a bust your ass in the too-hoo-hoo-hoo-hooth “Oh-ho-ho don’t go that way Roudolf thats the ghettoo. Ho-ho, those boys and girls don’t deserve anything.” [Background:] Slaybells ringling jing jing jingle-ling horses, horses, horses, horses Santa Claus, Santa Claus where you been? I see you got cookies and milk on your chin I guess you had time to collect your ends You always been down for your rich friend But Roudolf, he don’t bring his sleigh my way Nuthin but dirt and coal for little J I guess you couldn’t fit down my chimney shaft You need to loose some of that fat ass, eh All the little rich boys they gettin payed Countin the toys and duckets they made Me? I got a little half little chunk of dog shit I’m a kill that fat bitch Santa Claus is a fat bitch (He ate too much McDonals) Another year and I aint get shit (Mrs. Claus is a ho) If I hear him land on my roof (Slice that bitch in the big red coat) I’m a bust your ass in the too-hoo-hoo-hoo-hooth For the neighborhood Christmas and everythings whack Not a creature sturrin but a fuckin rat I aint hearin jingle bells I aint hearin nuttin Aint smellin no turky sure as hell aint no stuffin All that I payed, wished and prayed That fat mutha fucka would swing my way Drop off soldiers and rubber ballz But I woke up and found some crusty old drawers Just as I knew it shaft again, and again, and again, and again Every year I wake up to the same old shit….house There be no sign of the fat bitch Santa Claus is a fat bitch (Santa Claus is a fat bitch) Another year and I aint get shit (Another year I aint get shit) If I hear him land on my roof (If I hear him land on my roof) I’m a bust your ass in the too-hoo-hoo-hoo-hooth Santa Claus is a fat bitch (Santa Claus is a fat bitch) Another year and I aint get shit (I aint ge-et shi-it) If I hear him land on my roof (Ro-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoof) I’m a bust your ass in the too-hoo-hoo-hoo-hooth [record scratching] “He’s got a fuzzy white beard and a great big smile, A bright red hat you can see for a mile, A bag full of goodies and a great big grin, Here comes Santa Claus again.”

Red Christmas Lyrics by ICP Jiggle my mutha fucken balls bitch. Insane Clown Posse back in this mutha fucka Hey yo Violent J, whats up? It’s Christmas, time for a slaughter Maybe your wife, maybe your daughter It’s midnight, I land my sleigh Make way for jolly St. J Climb down the chimny, for the murder Dressed as the fat man everyones heard of Shimy down, shimy down, what the fuck? Somebody help me, I’m stuck Now what to do? I feel whack I got stuck in a chimny stack But I hack, and shimmer on down Santa Claus Clown Can’t fuck around, now Livingroom, shhh, I creep Tippy toes cuz they asleep I pulled out the axe and slid down the hall I got a gift for all of ya’ll Whats that? I better hide quick Oh fuck, it’s the real St. Nick And he musta been taken a shit But regardless, I better move quick, now So I jumped him, Santa’s no joke Fucked around got my damn neck broke He strap, he shot, he didn’t miss [Gunshots and ho ho ho] I had a red christmas “I’m dreaming of a dead Christmas, The kind you’ll never have again Cuz if you have a dead Christmas, That means your dead and thats the end” Merry, merry Christmas you fuckin chump, Seasons greetings loser, yo 2 Dope kick it! Jack Frost nibbles, he but fuck that I aint got a home so he nibbles on my nutsack And my buttcrack, toes, and elbows My nutz is froze, fuck you hoes So I made a friend like me, a snow man He was down with the clown like a blow man Had a hat and eyes outta charcoal And a pipe, we fill it with indow Me and him sang songs in the snowflakes He ate snowballs, I ate cornflakes And we both would freeze are ballz off I was there every time his head fallz off I put it back on for him with a smile He was my boy, made from a snow pile Then the storm came, a blizzard Snow, wind, ice, a blizzard We pulled through we hid in an alley The next day it was like sunny valley He was meltin I was just fine He got pissed and pulled out a nine “If I’m gonna die you should come with me Cuz we boyz” [gunshot] It hit me Damn I’m dying, I’m dead he got his wish And all I got was another red christmas “Sighlent night, violent fight Now I’m dead, one to the head Christmas this year seemed so whack” Happy New Year bitch boy Hey, I got a New Years resolution For your chicken ass mutha To kiss my mutha fucken ass, Woo! Jingle Bellz, Jingle Bellz Jingle all the way Ask your fucken mom bitch, The ICP don’t play, hey Wicked Clown, Wicked Clown Bitches drop your drawers Don’t talk back just suck my sack And fiddle with my ballz Yeah, ICP, Southwest for life, Christmas time you know what I’m sayin, Mr. Chris Cringle, you fat bitch, Mutha fucka never gave me shit, I’m a slap your across your Red ass face mutha fucka, uh Southwest down

so, i have visited her house a few times, met the mommy…she’s great, very sweet, very caring…such a great person. last night i got to meet the mom’s bf, he reminds me just a bit of a cross from my dad and grandpa, he’s aged just in between the two of them. well, closer to my dad of course. he seems to have a very kind spirit, seems like a genuine person. i think he was probably a bit bothered that i had earrings and such though, as i’ve been told he was pretty conservative and “wouldn’t accept me” so who knows. things have just felt…comfortable…and natural. like, nothing is awkward, nothing is uneasy or weird…i don’t feel stressed or feel like i’m being judged or examined…i suppose that’s a good feeling. i can recall times with other people and their parents where i tend to feel a bit out of place, but it doesn’t seem this way. sure maybe it’s because i’m admittedly not “a boyfriend” and by being a friend it makes things come off differently…the vibe could change if that were the case. i generally do ok with parents and family though, danya’s parents loved me…i remember they wanted to blame it all on danya when we mutually broke up, like it was her fault, she did something wrong…etc…they really wanted me around i guess. most of my girl friend’s parents liked me, both of the danielle’s i knew, their families liked me as far as i know. of course the witch, her mom decided to hate me after what had happened between us, but sure…if that’s how she needs to deal with it, that’s what she needs. oh, and the she-hag…her mom was fickle as hell, so i never knew what she thought. her dad was usually nice, and even though he yelled at me shaking his finger in my face i can’t say i hate him. he apologized for it and spoke to me recently when i saw them out at target. most people have their issues anyway, not like they have much room to judge anything or anyone else. perhaps part of me is relaxing a bit with the situation, i’m starting to come off in the wrong ways it seems. i try to be respectful and distant in her time of need, but i’m only coming off as being upset and jealous or something. i don’t want to keep my foot in the door of her life, as i’ve said, i want the decision to be made by her, not by my ever-growing presence. if i’m constantly around and involved in everything in her life, is it possible she might pick me simply by default? that’s not the way i want it. i want things to be purposeful and intentional…not accidental. don’t think i’m upset…i know you hate it…it’s only me trying to keep my distance from certain important things in your life. if you really wanted me to be a part of everything you do, i have a feeling you’d invite me to do them, not just suggest that it’s “ok” if i do. if that’s not how you are, then i ask that you DO invite me…don’t assume i know what you think, tell me what you want. i’m your friend and i only want things to be the way you want them right now. my head has been hurting for days…this is really bothering me and pissing me off…i hate having headaches… btw, i love the “anticipation kiss” you gave last night…getting so close, your breath on my lips as they almost touched…that hesitant little gasp when you realized you should pull away…it was beauty in a tangible and sensory form…magnificent…

Korn Lyrics Thoughtless Lyrics Thumbing through the pages of my fantasies Pushing all the mercy down, down, down I wanna see you try to take a swing at me Come on, gonna put you on the ground, ground, ground Why are you trying to make fun of me? You think it’s funny? What the fuck you think it’s doing to me? You take your turn lashing out at me I want you crying with your dirty ass in front of me All of my hate cannot be found I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming So you can try to tear me down Beat me to the ground I will see you screaming Thumbing through the pages of my fantasies I’m above you, smiling at you, drown, drown, drown I wanna kill and rape you the way you raped me And I’ll pull the trigger And you’re down, down, down Why are you trying to make fun of me? You think it’s funny? What the fuck you think it’s doing to me? You take your turn lashing out at me I want you crying with your dirty ass in front of me All of my hate cannot be found I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming So you can try to tear me down Beat me to the ground I will see you screaming All my friends are gone, they died (gonna take you down) They all screamed, and cried (gonna take you down) I’ve got my body, got my body back against the wall I’ve got my body, got my body back against the wall Gonna take you down [repeat 2x] I’ve got my body, got my body back against the wall I’ve got my body, got my body back against the… All of my hate cannot be found I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming So you can try to tear me down Beat me to the ground I will see you screaming All of my hate cannot be found I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming So you can try to tear me down Beat me to the ground I will see you screaming

Everything I’ve Known Lyrics by Korn Away, I see it’s going down Today, Hoping in time, Will bury all this time And will awake something inside We pushed our buttons far inside We tear our hearts out then we fight Hey, I know feels like I lost everything That I’ve known, I cannot survive alone It feels like I lost everything I known Our lives, were good in everyway Too late, time after time Our love just turned to hate but we stayed by each others side We pushed our buttons far inside We tear our hearts out then we fight Hey, I know feels like I lost everything That I’ve known, I cannot survive alone It feels like I lost everything I known I keep holding on, I feel I’m where I belong Everytime time we fight, it feels so wrong I feel so enslaved fuck my pride Then we meet again We pushed our buttons far inside We tear our hearts out then we fight Hey, I know feels like I lost everything That I’ve known, I cannot survive alone It feels like I lost everything I known