i had a strange dream, even by my standards….the girl i was with changed into about 3 different people if not more throughout the course of the dream…once it was D, once it was crystal, once it was danya…and possibly it coulda been one more, but i dont remember for sure. the only parts that are clear are i was outside in some weird barn or garage type thing that would normally be outside of someone’s house, not so much a farm barn, more like a workshop type barn or something. this part was with danya from what i remember, and we were getting in her pickup to go somewhere, but i think she had really long hair like she did in high school. the other part i remember was being on the highway and i think this time it was crystal driving, and like i was in the backseat, and i don’t remember who else was with us. as we were getting on the highway, we saw something totally fucked up…like this car that was supposed to belong to a fireman, like a “high ranked” fireman or something, well it came rolling down the street like it was in a bad wreck, it just flipped and flipped and skidded…there were several police roadblocks set up on the highway, and it seems like no one noticed or cared that it was happening, or possibly that they caused it to happen, so we just hauled ass thru these roadblocks and eventually a cop started chasing us, and i remember telling crystal (if thats who it was, but whoever was driving) not to stop, and that we needed to get to town with a lot of people before we stopped or the cops would kill us or something because they weren’t really “cops” i guess. so we get to town, and it was in catoosa, and we pulled over where there were a lot of people and i remember scott happened to be there and he was helping them, and he came and “checked” my license and i remember asking him about the “not pulling over until you feel safe” thing and he said that it was a valid “right” that we couldn’t get in trouble for…they took crystal out of the car and walked her back to the police car to talk to her and i remember she asked the same thing about the “right” not to pull over and i told her it was valid…and then i remember nothing else, i guess i woke up. pretty fucked up…i guess because it was so nonsensical and it involved a handful of people that i’ve dated that kept morphing into other people. maybe it was just the vodka talking.

i dont know why im so fuckin cold i dont know why it hurts me…all i wanna do is get with you and make the pain go away…why do i have a conscience all it does is fuck with me, why do i have this torment all i wanna do is fuck it away….

How evil are you?

well, had my first river floating experience…and i must say it isn’t all that grand…i had fun with the company of friends of course, however the floating in a boat down the river for 3 hours didn’t really tickle my fancy. i am biased, though, since i can’t swim, so my nerves were pretty ramsacked as it was just being in the water. no real dangers luckily, only the blaring fireball in the sky that seared my flesh. i have lobster arms now, and my fucking kneecaps got burned as well. lemme tell ya…now i know why i don’t hang out in the bright sun around bodies of water for recreation….the white stripe where my watch was worn looks like a pale white chick’s ass that never leaves a pair of shorts in the summer.

in the words of the mighty jeffk… OMEFGG, MIEDGATTS TONIET AT THE NIETGHT TRIEPPSS!!!!!!!!!!1111111 i was wanting to hit ikon…i am celebrating a friend’s bday though so its his plans…and i might be hitting depot. i’d kinda like to see the midgets just to say that i’ve seen a midget stripper…but i guess we’ll see what happens. i think everybody and their dick (no pun intended) is going to be at night trips to see the midgets though, so it will probably be over crowded. bah…who knows…

it’s been a while. my 2 new hafadas are healing cleanly and quickly it seems…i’m working on making a dvd set of the Kingdom Hospital tv series…i watched bubba hotep and laughed my ass off…i watched LOTR and wanted to crawl around like gollum…and i just got Ichi the Killer on dvd from my cousin, so i gotta watch it now… otherwise…i hurt my knee from dancing while out of shape last thur at ikon, so i need to chill out on my “bustin” i guess. and of course the dreams are still coming, my perception and belief AGAINST me having a dual life–one in waking and one in sleeping–are still ever-slightly decreasing with each deeper dream that i have…more to come.

i can’t remember the last time i cried….i think it’s time to try at least….

my weekly epiphany for all those in desperate relationships… if your significant other says to you “i just don’t know what i want right now and i just need space” then they are OBVIOUSLY not content enough or committed enough to say “i want YOU.” if they “don’t know what they want” then you have become something “unwanted” because if you were the object that was wanted, no one would have to say “i don’t know what i want.” try thinking about this…we use it every day in life. what do i want to eat? i dunno, but i KNOW i don’t want pizza… so ok, we have a clear grasp of what we WANT, and if we don’t, then we are too fickle and reckless to believe that a stable relationship will hold if someone can’t admit that they want you. it’s a petty copout to say “i don’t know what i want” because all it means is that “i want to have you around and also i want to have my options open for when something that i perceive as better comes along.” stop being ignorant and blind, people.