It’s pathetic. One tiny square foot of space is all I’m allowing myself to keep, but even that shouldn’t be given.
This one small, insignificant spot is where I’d think of you the most. It was my escape, and where I’d open up to you when i couldn’t breathe.
But now, it’s silent, and the words only catch in my throat.
Dreaming of your ex is not always what it seems.
All the details are growing hazy, but the conversation has a few fresh words still in my mind. The most echoing phrase being me indicating anger and hatred, and her saying “no, i love you.”. That prompted a faux walkout, with me asking for five minutes to hear wtf that was about. The following is now getting fuzzy, but her saying there were “mother issues” (seemingly indicating i blamed things on her mother) and then “not mine, but yours. She only wants you to be happy. Everyone wants you to be happy.”
And in unison as i said it, so did she, “except for me (you)”. “you’re the one that doesn’t want to be happy, Daniel, and the one afraid to make that next step with anyone.”
“i don’t hate you, why would i? you never broke my heart, i’m the one who broke yours.”
And now the rest is fleeting and I’m forgetting details. I remember feeling sick before this convo ever started, somehow leaving her with this human urge to help me, and sensing the fake compassion i began refusing the help. Somewhere in that repulsion the conversation above had started. I woke up shortly after.
Thank you. I was reborn and baptized in the roaring flames of your insecurities. I am your creation.
I should have stopped you, and i should have said everything then that i said afterward.
Such a strange dream the other night. I was in a house with people i knew, at least knew them second-hand, but no one that i know in real life.
I was confused, and had been the whole dream, and then i remember looking at my arm. My “iniquity” tattoo was wrong, and i got really uncomfortable. The tattoo was there, but the colors were wrong, and the design was vastly different. I was trying to explain this to the person i was showing, and they thought i was crazy. I was getting frantic, and i really felt like i was in the wrong body, or that something was fundamentally wrong. I even checked my phone for pictures of how i remembered it, but even those were wrong too. I was getting frantic, and felt i slipped further in the dream and started losing track and couldn’t remember all the events later.
There is not a stranger feeling than realizing you’re not the right person in a dream, or even that you’re just slightly “off”. I swear it felt like a slipped dimensions and was just barely different, but that i remembered where i was from.
Dream 7/30
Tattoos were wrong, iniquity was on my arm in a different design and i knew it, and all photos were wrong
So something happened recently, and the world just got a little bit stranger.
A man attacked another man, naked, and chewed off his face.
And what followed was a slew of misinformation and poor sensational journalism about the attacker “being on drugs”.
Well, he wasn’t.
Now that the world has been loudly poised to attack the dangers of this “new designer drug”, there’s no drug to blame. In fact, the dude had some marijuana in his system, which obviously isn’t to blame since this is unprecedented action for someone simply using pot. But that aside, we now have to face what I mentioned after this story first broke, that this was simply a MAN.
Actions like these certainly aren’t implausible, and our history is littered with colorful murderers and serial killers…but this was an isolated and seemingly unpremeditated attack.
A man attacked another man in the streets, and chewed off his face, and he was not on bath salts, and not on designer street drugs. A simple human being is responsible for this vicious event.
You’ll never know the consequence.
You saved me when I was in darkness, but you’ll have no clue. There’s danger in offering appreciation, especially to those most deserving. When deserved, it’s misinterpreted; when it isn’t, it’s simply a compliment.
I give up trying to find that line.
Some days it feels like i woke up in a parallel universe. Nothing major has changed, but one person i knew has become someone else. The versions I knew now seem so empty and blank and distant. I’ve woken up and they came from a universe where we were never as close.
Or did the ones i knew so well swap places with another version of themselves with no memory of our closeness?
Hell, perhaps I’m the one being delusional. Maybe the memories i have were never real, and i believed these people to be different than they truly are.
Too many times I’ve watched ones i thought closer to pull only further, and never do i find out why. Is the world changing around me and i’m not perceiving the differences?
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