i really don’t have anything to say. i can’t decide if i feel positive or if i feel neutral right now, i’m just doing my best to not feel negative. there’s no reason.

i’ve been sick the past few days and i hate it. all i do is sleep, my head is clogged and my thoughts are deluded from it, and all i want is to enjoy myself instead of sleeping for hours on end.

and fuck me, do i want a cigarette.

i’ve made some changes…and i’ve become more cynical and apathetic. i’m really starting to just…simply…not care. i’ve thrown friends to the wind simply because things weren’t going the way i wanted, and even risked said friendships by doing so, but at what point to i start worrying about ME instead of THEM? so long have i tried caring…and i’m always the one still waiting. that’s the path i always take. passive…easy…

no more.

it’s time i’m proactive and take control of things once in a while…especially when it comes to my life and my selfish indulgences…they will be on my terms and on my standards.

….oh….and….i’m sorry if anyone gets trampled in the process….maybe i’ll apologize….and maybe i won’t even notice. pick your battles wisely…

——–
Random
Sounds like you and I are on the same road.
Reply(1)3 years ago

Daniel Self
yeah i just read yours, funny how that works out, eh?
3 years ago

Mike Cooper
i invented the term “Remo”. It’s like a retard EMO, or really anything you want to apply it too. Have fun remoing people!
Reply3 years ago

Walela
God you’re so EMO!! I ain’t skeeered!
Reply(1)3 years ago

Daniel Self
i will end you!
3 years ago

Blake Cover
I hope you still have mad love for me… even though we never actually hang out.
Reply(1)3 years ago

Daniel Self
always!
3 years ago

quiet lately? yes…but im still having a blast. i dreamt of getting my next tattoo, so i feel its time, and its the right choice. where do we go from here?

——-
Random
There is SO much crap I need done… 🙁
Reply3 years ago

Mike Cooper
lets go together! i’m ready to start my next one.
Reply3 years ago

The Dalai Mama
You go to John.
Reply3 years ago

Walela
I was talking with one of my friends last night about getting a tattoo on my ass that says “sexynerd”
Reply(1)3 years ago

Daniel Self
do it!
3 years ago

Blue
Heh.
Reply3 years ago

It’s never been that obvious until you said it just now, and who knows why.

I’ve done this with nearly ever girl I know, ESPECIALLY with XXXX. I offer help, I offer to console, to hug, to talk, to whatever…and there’s always slight hesitation and her acting like she doesn’t care or want to hear it. I think coming from you it just made sense why. I’ve already started this difficult process of cutting out emotion with these people, and you just showed me that I’m on the right path and doing the right thing. It has been difficult not to check on you and the countless others that I’ve stayed close to, but I see that I don’t need to be.

Yes, you appreciate it in your own little way, but not in the way I’ve always thought it was appreciated. I’ve been terribly wrong about my entire attitude. Every sympathetic time I’ve tried to reach out to these people to tell them I’m here to help, I’ve probably just been slicing layers and layers from the emotions between us and creating more and more of a tense void.

I’ve learned a lot this year so far, I’ve seen a lot of things about friends and people I thought were close to me, and it seems my learning isn’t quite done yet. Thank you again for always being honest, that’s the one quality you’ve never strayed with me, regardless of how hurtful.

——-
Mel D W.
and you’ll continue to learn 🙂
Reply3 years ago

She B
hey! why are you so quiet lately? are you just hangin on the DL or u just aint keepin up on me? its just weird man, not too many blogs or comments or calls.
Reply3 years ago

Obi WINE Kenobi
Even though not everyone might appreciate your help and advice, I most certainly do. I don’t know where I’d be without you. And I can’t ever thank you enough.

I love ya.
-sent with love from my sidekick
Reply3 years ago

She B
i do love ya flitz
Reply3 years ago

just wondering…someone has texted me twice today, one said “shut your face” and the other said “testing, just got a new phone, reply if you get this” and both times the return number just says “0” (zero) so, i can’t reply…so, whoever you are, apparently your phone isn’t working.

and if you’re reading this…that means i don’t know who the hell you are, so you’re going to have to let me know.

——
Daniel Self
i’ve since figured it out, their phone is a piece of suck and for some reason it doesn’t display their number when they text.

carry on with life.
Reply3 years ago

heather
Spam, perhaps? That’s what I assume it is when I get random texts from numbers I don’t recognize.
Reply3 years ago

Walela
That is awesome! What a good way to fuck with you! It’s not me though even though I have been known to say “shut your face”.
Reply3 years ago

and as always, it takes a friend to point something out to me that should be ever-present and acknowledged. now…things are seeming to make sense again.

“What I’m saying is you’ve disenchanted yourself as far as attraction to the opposite sex. You’ve put so many worthless souls up on such lofty pedestals, and wound yourself up into so many circles of drama that finding someone worth being with almost doesn’t matter anymore.”

perhaps this is why i hardly give a shit anymore? it scares me…when i start feeling like people are just a waste of my time.

——
The Dalai Mama
I like this quote. It actually IS insightful. I hope you give these words serious thought. You are fantastic, and deserve only the best. 🙂
Reply3 years ago

so, i was watching Episode 2 again today, and i don’t care if you think it’s shit, but i caught a very weird little special effect in the movie i’d never seen.

if you haven’t seen it…and don’t want a scene ruined…don’t read this.

anyway, so, near the middle of the movie when Jar Jar is speaking to the Senate and requesting that Supreme Chancellor Palpatine be granted supreme executive power…it cuts to Palpatine sitting in his little chair smiling, and his eyes are WHITE and dull, like they are when he’s Sith. it’s very brief and very subtle, but he slowly stands up to speak about how he’s honored and won’t take advantage, blah blah…so as he is standing up and starts speaking, his eyes slowly color in from white. pretty sweet little effect, but i wonder how often it is overlooked.

i mean hell…i just noticed, the movie is what, 6 years old now? hell…maybe i’m the idiot that never noticed and everyone knows but me?

—–
David Cummings
I never noticed it, but everyone who watched return of the Jedi knew that Palpatine was gonna be the emperor. Noone probbaly noticed it because back then everyone had crappy standard definition tvs, or else we never noticed because Lucas hadn’t reedited the movie 1000 times already. Anyways Palpatine deserved to be Emperor, because any galactic civilization that gives a fucking retard like Jar Jar Binks a seat in the Council, let alone lets him speak in public deserves to get ran by a fascist.

For more on Jar Jar, check this link out.
http://www.americanevil.com/archives/012.jpg
Reply3 years ago

The Dalai Mama
Gawd, everyone knows about that! I’m disappointed in you. Dork.
Reply3 years ago

so, im randomly listening to the radio and hear a gem of a radio spot. it starts in talking about Nero and the roman empire, describing him as being…jacked up basically. talked of how he killed his mother, stepbrother, allowed rome to burn….and the kicker. he was the first to persecute christians. wtf? we all have a choice to do right or wrong, we know what his choice was. wtf again? yeah, it was a church ad for Asbury i believe. the gist i got was, if you dont want to do good tthings, youre Nero.

first off….i’m sick. damn sick. i woke up horribly sick on monday, after going to bed sickly on sunday. yeah. throat hurts, high fever, coughing, aching, the whole bit. and what sucks worse…joint and bone aches from sickness hurt tenfold on my recently broken arm and my overly injured back and ribs.

oh yeah, i still have the pains in my lower right ribcage…feels like getting mid-voltage shocks all through my side. i also can’t lean sideways to the right without causing the same pain, or them just totally giving out.

i’m breaking and need to be repaired.

on to the subject…i’m halfway through the new NIN venture, titled “Ghost I” and i am loving it. soon to follow will be Ghost II, III, and IV. they are all instrumental, and very…just…wow.

thus far…it is a phenomenal aureal soundscape that i don’t think i’ve heard rivaled.

we know Trent is well capable…he pulled this off when he did the ambient soundtrack to the Quake pc game back in the day, but this blows it away.

do me a favor. go download it. check NIN myspace, or nin.com. you can dl the first album entirely free.

now, after downloading it, listen to it.

and then…after you totally got sucked into it…ask yourself…when was the last time you sat through an instrumental album and actually enjoyed it?

kudos, trent…kudos.

——
Walela
I already preordered the double disc and downloaded the full collection!
Reply3 years ago

Morgan Blackdragon
Hope you get to feeling better my friend. That sucks. I’ll have to check out the new NIN. I love instrumental stuff.
Reply3 years ago

i havent remembered my dreams for a week now, and i’ve been tired again and again. feels like i must be out doing something every night…other news…tonight marks 8 weeks since my arm break fiasco…and the birth of a new best friend. i can move it at least, have most of the motion back, just no strength. one of these days…

the word of the day is…

Attrition.

1. a wearing down or weakening of resistance, esp. as a result of continuous pressure or harassment: The enemy surrounded the town and conducted a war of attrition.

——-
The Dalai Mama
I got your word of the day right here(grabbing my crotch), Tipper Gore. 😛
Reply3 years ago

Rebecca Daniel
Due to my children, I feel the attrition everyday.
Reply(1)3 years ago

She B
what the hell happened to you last night? no call or nothing. I hate your face
3 years ago

James New
all wars are wars of attrition.
Reply(1)3 years ago

Daniel Self
good point, so when exactly is Iraq gonna stop and say “ALRIGHT!! FUCK! WE GIVE!! JUST QUIT BUGGING US!!”
3 years ago