i need a car. my head hurts from withdrawal. i’m to the ear pops when i move my head. whatever. and i’m detaching from a lot of people and a lot of things. probably for the best right now.

i know i said i thought i was done making my “day” posts, but today was very noticeably painful.
well, ok, day 12, withdrawal headache is back to being intense. that’s about it. not too blinding, but very tight around my temples. but…otherwise…that’s my only symptom i’m feeling. well, and a bit of apathy and disassociation, and a light loss of interest in pursuing things i know i want to pursue. maybe it’s just a bit of helplessness and hopelessness that will pass. i’ll find my way back.
as for the weekend….went out friday night with Walela for her bday…good times indeed. i don’t know why we thought we were going to drink all that beer we bought…also turns out Lela has some cute friends she’s been hiding from me…
saturday…i was going to go check out a black Celica, but my brother wanted to go to Rocklahoma instead, so…i saw the end of Firehouse, Warrant, and the new Skid Row. i must say, even without Sebastian Bach, the new skid row kicked a bit of ass. definitely a strong stage performance. after that…i was going to go out…but something knocked me down and i just couldn’t find motivation or energy. i ended up passing out before midnight…slept nearly all day sunday, save a few hours here and there for eating. i did go visit an old friend, she’s as cute as ever 🙂 that and i kicked her ass royally at Soul Calibur 2 on ps2. years of toys r us…it always pays off with video games.
and today..hoping to go check out the car i didn’t get to see, and maybe buy it. i want one now, it’s too damn hot without A/C. i’m going insane from the heat.
i’ve also had some very intense dream and sleep issues the past couple days…but i need to wrap my mind around them and put them into words. it’s all too scattered and jumbled right now, but soon.

well, i’m to the point of being bored of detailing these days, as the first few days were exciting, and now nothing new or noticeable is really going on. i’m tired as fuck today though, i passed out at like midnight last night and woke up at like 10:10am just in time to get mcds breakfast.
so…from here on out…i’m only going to post something related to my withdrawal if something is physiologically or mentally going on. thanks for everyone that followed for just under 2 weeks.
my network is down on my cell, i can’t connect to the net, and i can’t send texts…i feel very very….alone and helpless. yes that’s a joke. it sucks though.
scratch that, i didn’t pay my bill. forgetefulness and procrastination!

nothing really to report. started half doses today. i’m hungover, hot, sweaty, and tired.
more later.

fuck.
went to bed at 430am, long night, not an enjoyable one other than the company i was with. today has nothing to do with meds…i’m so tired i wouldn’t notice anyway 🙂
today is another off day though, i’m doing pretty well, very little withdrawal anymore. may go ahead and drop to half doses starting tomorrow.

there’s a giant ass “daddy long legs” spider in my shower. actually two of them. i think i will call them Johnny and Tambourine.

day 8…off again today. not feeling much withdrawal, just a bit hazy. definitely a noticeable amount of disappointment and depression today, i’m sure i’m gonna swing pretty heavy over the next few weeks. however, the feelings of being elated and excited are enough to balance out the depression and anxiety feelings. it’s nice to have that energy surge in my chest, the lump in my throat of feeling excited and giddy…all of that makes up for the bad.

i’m thinking of going back to blonde for a while. it’s summertime, right? blondes have more fun. i feel too…blah. i need more clothes too. hell, i need a girl to go shopping with, first and foremost. it’s no fun alone.

ok, so i watched star wars ep 4-6 this weekend (again) and in the vein of “Clerks” and discussing some flaws in the culture and actions (ala contract workers building the death star vs imperial stormtroopers) i noticed something in Empire.
ok, everyone knows how to knock out an AT-AT. you need a snowspeeder to launch their tow cable, wrap it around their legs and trip them.
or…you can be Luke, and grapple your way to the underbelly and throw in a grenade/thermal detonator/whatever he used.
now…flash for a minute to ep 1, when Qui was using his LS to melt through the blast doors in the blockade ship, since the LS can basically slice through anything (except another LS apparently). now, back to the AT-AT. if it’s a matter of taking out the legs of the walkers…why didn’t luke just slice the legs at the ankle when he was running around in the snow? or hell, lean out of his snowspeeder and swipe through a leg on a pass?
because he’s a whiny pussy, that’s why. but i love him.

———-

Karissa Mitchell Mcmill…
My husband would love you. We must hook up for drinks sometime so you guys can talk SW. He might try to make out with you, that’s how much he loves those movies and your love for them would be mighty attractive, I’m telling ya! Now, if you tried to make out with him back, I’d have to smack ya though. : )

PS. Sydney (my 4 yr. old) LOVES SW too!
Reply4 years ago

Blake Cover
As you can see in Ep. 1, it takes a large amount of time to cut through particularly thick metal. It would make it even harder if that particular piece of metal was moving and things were attacking you.

Luke’s still a pussy though.
Reply(1)4 years ago

Random
Ditto. I think a control of the force is necessary also. Perhaps making the particles jump around faster and cause more friction, thereby causing more heat. A single slash wouldn’t ‘cut it’. You can see, Qui-Gon is using a great deal of concentration on the door.
4 years ago

here we are at day 7. today is an “on” day, i’m a little jittery, but i had a lot of caffeine too. sometimes it’s hard to tell which is affecting me, the meds or outside influences. my stomach is a mess again today too. i think i’ve narrowed that down though, i got this new kiwi strawberry punch from Reasors and have been mixing it with vodka, and i think that it isn’t settling well with me. i haven’t really been too anxious or stressed about things though, so i don’t think it’s my nerves causing my stomach the unrest, i think it’s possibly the punch. time to go back to diet mt dew and vodka.
other news, i finally got bumped to full time at my job, starting friday. so that means…well, 32 more hours a month, equalling lots of cash. definitely will help with my car search since i’ll have more disposable income. plus i can start buying dvds again, my collection has been sitting at 540 for a while and i need to shoot for 600 by the end of the year.
tonight should be a good night. i’ll try to take lots of pics again.
i want to see the new harry potter, i’ve been hearing great things.

——–

Karissa Mitchell Mcmill…
Mt. Dew and vodka……….fondly referred to as MT. VODKAS at my hizouse, but you gotta have that wedge of lime & preferrably citrus vodka (Smirnoff). Glad about your job going full time, guess that means they like you, huh? : ) Keep up the good work with the meds thing.
Reply4 years ago

Blake Cover
I’m telling you, man. GATORADE. It’s a great mixer because it delivers the alcohol to your bloodstream much quicker. Faster and cheaper drunkeness.
Reply4 years ago