such simple things…always seem to have the most profound effect. trivial things said…lowly actions acknowledged…minute details observed…
so many things about to (hopefully) change, and it’s about time. i just hope all of them do.

After reclusive and solitary Capricorn comes Aquarius, the most outgoing and receptive of all the zodiac signs. Aquarius lies opposite Leo, the sign that seeks full realization of the ego. The Aquarian dream is to merge that ego with the very cosmos. Aquarius, the Water Bearer, pours forth into culture the waters of new life. Aquarians are the mystics, the idealists, the reformers, the humanitarians, the innovators, the inventors–and, most of all, the communicators of their groups.
Aquarians are generous, flexible, freethinking, and curious about ideas that run counter to tradition. Given their humanitarian impulses, they are often strongly dedicated to the cause of human fellowship and are capable of total self-abnegation in the service of the common good. Many Aquarians strive to live more on the spiritual plane than on the material one. Nonetheless, their spirituality and profound insight are usually tempered by a degree of rationality. This fortuitous coupling produces great creativity, which may find an outlet in the service of an idealogy. On the other hand, the restless and original Aquarian temperament may lend itself to many other interests, including science and technology.
Like Geminis, Aquarians are concerned with information and the communication of all sorts. But while the Twins’ favored form of expression is words, Aquarians love pictures–art, television, film. In their need to connect with the group, Aquarians always strive for speed and immediacy. The two wavy lines of their glyph symbolize not only water, but fast-flowing currents of energy–or perhaps, in the case of Aquarian inventor Thomas Edison, electricity. It was Edison who invented motion pictures, the medium in which Aquarian directors D. W. Griffith and Sergei Eisenstein did their trailblazing work.
Aquarians push back boundaries and introduce new ideas. Aquarian Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart brought music to perfection previously unknown. Charles Darwin revolutionized thought about humanity’s place in creation. Charles Lindbergh flew alone across the Atlantic when common wisdom held that such a feat was all but impossible. Aquarian writers Charles Dickens, Jules Verne, James Joyce, Gertrude Stein, and Virginia Woolf were all innovators in literature.
But as Aquarians go, Lindbergh–the Lone Eagle–was something of an anomaly, for most Water Bearers are not loners. Group-oriented Aquarians are usually very public people and natural politicians. Like Leos, they need applause, preferably from a worldwide audience. Successful Aquarians in public life range from Abraham Lincoln to Franklin D Roosevelt, Adlai Stevenson, and Ronald Reagan. A major Aquarian demon is oversensitivity to the group. This weakness can cause Water Bearers deep doubts about what their true feelings are. In turn, the uncertainty makes them fearful and even more dependent on the group. It is their task to look inward first, discovering their own thoughts before trying to assess the thoughts of others.
Another Aquarian risk is that of overindulgin their mystical, nonconforming impulses. If they lack clear-headed rationality, they are capable of foolish destructive attacks on tradition. Disloyalty, opportunism, and compromise are also potential Aquarian pitfalls. Water Bearers can be shallow, their genial exteriors masking an interior iciness. They may also be shortsighted and hampered by inertia. Just as Geminis think that to talk about a project is to finish it, so Aquarians think that to see a vision is to make it real.
At their best, however, Water Bearers are able to move from the abstract to the concrete. Beginning with imagination, Aquarians shape reality. And they work toward their most prized image, an all-inclusive and shining society in which each individual is a happy and productive contributor to the group.

i want you in my arms…i miss you…i love you. i wish you were here with me now to make me feel whole again.

some assholes need to mind their own fucking business and shut the fuck up.

Hate me for what I am and not for what you want me to be
I don’t give a damn if you don’t give a damn about me

-Twiztid “Get off me”

i can’t find sleep…maybe the rift i created is keeping me from relaxing. my mind and heart isn’t comfortable with the distance i formed, but i want to fix it.
i want nothing more than to repair the things i’ve done…and to keep them repaired, because you’re worth it. every damn minute. i’ve seen my future, i’ve seen my dreams, and i want them to be real.
and no more meds, my thoughts lose clarity when i thought that they’d help me maintain it. i can’t think straight like this, it’s why i stopped in the first place. i want to face it all…right beside you, hand in hand.

NIN–Home
Everything
Is catching up with me
I awake
To find i’m not at all where I
Should be
And it feels
I’m getting to the end
And it’s hard
To figure out what’s real
And what’s
Pretend

To break from what
We’re tied to
God knows
How much i’ve tried to

And I am still inside you
And I am still inside you

I escape
Every now and then
And to think
I find myself
Back here again
And again

I used to know who I was
Untill you came along
I return
To the only place
I’ve ever felt
That I belong

To break from what
We’re tied to
God knows
How much i’ve tried to

And I am still inside you
And I am still inside you

thanks to everyone that reads…i just broke 20,000 total views for my blog.

i know it kills you each time you realize i’m not perfect.
i stumble like the rest of them, i have shitty emotions that i can’t always hide. sometimes i wish i could. but please continue believing in me…you’re one of very few that has, and i don’t want to lose that. i got tripped up over something insignificant last night and i’ve bothered you. i wish that weren’t the case.
hearing your voice as you were drunkenly crying out for me…”i want my daniel…i want my daniel…” it was magnificent and powerful, it made me weak, it made me realize how truly lucky i am to have someone like you. it made me feel special in a way that NO ONE else has ever done, NO ONE. hearing your voice like that…i simply knew everything was as it should be, that my path has led me to you, and that i’ll do everything in my power not to lose you.
you told me that i’d keep you warm, that i would take care of you, that i would make everything better if i were just there with you…it was all i needed to hear to make me realize how silly i was being. without absence, we can’t grow fonder. you stayed on the phone with me over an hour simply telling me how wonderful i was….”i just want my daniel” as you cried…
and what do i do? i say something stupid. i say something selfish. always seems like i do that, and it makes you realize i’m not as perfect as you believed. it was a simple mistake, one that i didn’t even need to make.
please…just forgive me.
“are you my daniel?”
“yes, i’m your daniel, i’m here baby, everything is going to be fine.”