had an old friend ask me a question about the Celestine Prophecy. she asked which Control Drama type i think she is, and it made me want to brush up a little, so here it is. this is an excerpt from “The Celestine Prophecy: An Experiential Guide” about control dramas.
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Intimidator
Intimidators get everyone to pay attention to them by force of loudness, physical strength, threats, unexpected outbursts. They keep everyone on edge for fear of triggering off embarrassing comments, anger, and, in extreme cases, rage. Energy comes toward them because of the fear and suspicion of the “next event.” Intimidators always have the stage. They make you feel afraid or anxious.
Basically egocentric, their behavior may range from ordering others around, talkin gcontinuaously, being authoritarian, being inflexible and sarcastic, to being violent. Intimidators are probably the most cut off from universal energy. They initially engage others by creating an aura of power.
Each of the four control dramas creates a specific energy dynamic called a ‘matching drama.’ For example, the matching drama that is created by an Intimidator is primarily the Poor Me–an extremely passive energy dynamic. The Poor Me, feeling that the Intimidator is robbing him or her of energy on a frightening scale, tries to stop the threatening interchange by assuming a cringing, helpless attitude: “Look what you’re doing to me. Don’t hurt me, I’m too weak.” The Poor Me is attempting to make the Intimidator feel guilty in order to stop the attack and regain a flow of energy. The other possibility for a matching drama is the Counter-Intimidator. This drama will occur if the Poor Me attitude does not work, or, more likely, if the personality of the other person is also aggressive. Then this person will fight back with the original Intimidator. If one of your parents was an Intimidator, chances are one of his or her parents was an Intimidator or a passive Poor Me.
Interrogator
Interrogators are less physically threatening, but break down spirit and will by mentally questioning all activities and motivations. Hostile critics, they look for ways to make others wrong. The more they dwell on your faults and mistakes, the more you will watch them and react to their every move. As you strive to prove yourself or answer to them, the more energy you send thier way. Everything you say will probably be used against you at some time. You feel as if you are being constantly monitored.
Hypervigilant, their behavior may range from being cynical, skeptical, sarcastic, needling, perfectionistic, self-righteous, to viciously manipulative. They initially engage others with their wit, infallible logic, facts, and intellect.
As parents, Interrogators create Aloof children and sometimes Poor Me’s. Both types want to escape the probing of the Interrogator. Aloofs want to escape having to answer (and be drained of their energy) to the constant scrutiny and needling of the Interrogator.
Aloof
Aloof people are caught up in their own internal world of unresolved struggles, fears, and self-doubt. They believe unconsciously that if they appear mysterious or detached, others will come to draw them out. Often lonely, they keep their distance for fear of others imposing their will or questioning their decisions (as their Interrogator parents did). Thinking they have to do everything on their own, they don’t ask for help. They need a “lot of space” and often avoid being pinned down by commitments. As children they were not often allowed to satisfy their need for independence or acknowledged for their own identity.
Prone to move toward the Poor Me side of the continuum, they don’t realize that their own aloofness might be the cause of their not having what they want (e.g., money, love, self-esteem), or for their feelings of stagnation or confusion. They often see their main problem as a lack of something (money, friends, social contacts, education).
Their behavior ranges from disinterested, unavailable, uncooperative, to condescending, rejecting, contrary, and sneaky.
Skilled at detachment as a defense, they tend to cut off their own energy with such phrases as “I’m different from others,” “No one really understands what I’m trying to do,” “I’m confused,” “I don’t want to play their game,” “If only I had . . . ” Opportunities slip away while they overanalyze everything. With any hint of conflict or confrontation, the Aloof becomes vague and can literally disappear (screening telephone calls or not keeping appointments). They initially engage through their mysterious, hard-to-get persona.
Aloofs usually create Interrogators, but can also get into dramas with Intimidators or Poor Me’s because they are in the center of the continuum.
Poor Me or Victim
Poor Me’s don’t ever feel they have enough power to confront the world in an active way, so they elicit sympathy, pulling energy toward them. When using the silent treatment, they may slide toward the Aloof mode, but as a Poor Me, they make sure that the silence does not go unnoticed.
Always pessimistic, Poor Me’s pull attention to themselves by worried facial expressions, sighing, trembling, crying, staring into the distance, answering questions slowly, and retelling poignant dramas and crises. They like to go last in line and defer to others. Their favorite two words are “Yes, but . . .”
Poor Me’s initially seduce by their vulnerability and need for help. However, they are not really interested in solutions because then they would lose their source of energy. They might also exhibit overaccommodating behavior which eventually leads them into feeling taken advantage of and reinforces their Poor Me method of gaining energy. As accommodators they have little ability to set boundaries and limits, and behavior ranges from convincing, defending, making excuses, repeatedly explaining, telling too much, to trying to solve problems that are not their business. They open themselves to being objectified, perhaps through their beauty or sexual favors, and then resent being taken for granted.
Poor Me’s sustain their victim stance by attracting people who intimidate them. In the extreme cycles of domestic violence, an Intimidator will involve the Poor Me in increasingly violent episodes of abuse toward the Poor Me until a climax is reached. After the climax, the Intimidator retreats and apologizes, thus sending energy that seduces the Poor Me back into the cycle.
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i won’t add anything else, i don’t want to ruin the discussion. if anyone wants to take a guess at which one i fit…feel free. i’d welcome the input. not to say i don’t have my ideas of which i might fit best, i’d just like an outside observation.
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