i’m going to say things…i’m going to do things…i’m going to be things…that you don’t like…

i’ll say things that will hurt you, i’ll say things that will make you laugh…i’ll say things that will do nothing at all…

my hands typed what i wanted to say, though my lips would never utter those things for fear of being passed off as some simple joke…but i meant them.  i don’t know why, i don’t know anything…just that i wasn’t simply babbling.  it was bad of me to do, i’m sure, it seems a recurring pattern…but at times it’s difficult for me to find refrain. 

and you said i’m shy….well, that’s only the half of it.  there’s so many things people don’t know…and even more that they wouldn’t understand.  most of it is better left unsaid…because you’d only try to use it against me if you knew about it…and the less you know the better. 

i’m losing track of thought, maybe i wasn’t ready to write, i really don’t know what i’m going to say.  maybe i don’t know what to say because i know it won’t be read, so am i writing for me or for an audience?  who knows…who cares….

my eyes are dangerous…i realize i look at every pretty girl i see…and i want to see them smile, i want to watch their cheeks turn red with shyness and embarassment…i want to say things that they don’t expect…

i know i didn’t think this way with Shehag, i’m confused and just, i dunno…my eyes shouldn’t wander and my heart shouldn’t question things.  it’s not fair if it does, i can’t pretend to be able to stop it, my heart controls me and where i go…

and sometimes i fear it IS her…although we never even speak…it could be the one thing that keeps my mind and heart doubtful…even to those who’ve done me no wrong…is it you?  are you keeping me from disappearing?  are you keeping me grounded?  i’m not even sure i’d want you to let go…whether it’s for my own good or not…

…all alone i seem to break…

i’ve added past content to my new homepage, visit www.flitzanu.com if you’d like to see.

i’ve finished updating my other site, Iniquity of Flitzanu, where you can find all my old livejournal and blogger posts, and going forward all of my diatribes and observations on society as well as my perceptions on others.  this will be where most of my writing will probably take place, and where my incoherent babblings about humanity will be found. the link is listed under My Eyes, and my future site of Fantasy of Flitzanu will be linked as well, which will detail any short writings, stories, etc, as well as dreams and sleep experiences will find home.

i’m also redoing flitzanu.com so keep an eye for updates. i’ll be doing most writing there, and probably xposting a few things here.

i ignored my chance to make a really good april fool’s joke. maybe next year….

still transferring some info and learning the software, so keep checking back…

i’ve tried 3 times now, unsuccessfully obviously, to stretch my apadravya from 8g to 6g. i don’t know what the fuck i’m doing wrong…maybe i just need to grit my teeth and fucking shove it through…the pain gets so intense i can’t fully push the 6g taper all the way through, i’ve tried following my 8g barbell with the 6g and it just WON’T “give in” to slide through. this is going to suck. i’m thinking of alternative methods, i know they have some heavy rings designed to loosen tissue for stretching and other alternative tapering methods, i might just have to try something like that. maybe go with 2 rings instead of the one barbell for a while. ugh.
anyone have any advice on this one? or any particular methods of tapering that have been successful for painful or difficult stretching?

Morgan Blackdragon
OW!
… Show more
Reply(1)5 years ago

Daniel Self
haha, man, you have no idea 🙂 i question my own sanity trying to do this. i’ve literally neared the point of making myself pass out trying to do it!
5 years ago

there are so many things i want to say right now…which is saying something in itself i suppose…but is there a time when the tongue is too dangerous? i definitely think mine is……

i hurt myself so that you wouldn’t have to.

Kenneth
*huggles*
Reply5 years ago

Rebecca Kerr
whatever
Reply5 years ago

[Intro]
You never listen to me!
I can’t fucking take this shit anymore!
You fucking asshole, I’m taking the baby and fucking leaving you
Fucking hear me, motherfucker?
[Madrox]
Every time I leave, my heart is torn apart
And every time I see these things, you know I wanna start to change
You can feel it like rain, falling down from the sky
And mixing with tears falling from out of my eye
It’s no surprise that my life is similar to a roller coaster
Filled with ups and downs, I won’t enjoy it till the ride is over
Probably not, but it’s okay forget it, skip it anyway
My feelings are irrelevant to anything we do or say
Now, it’s not that I don’t trust you, and my love is infinite
I tell you every chance I get so you will never forget
So you can miss me with that shit
That you be saying in them arguments
Throwing around possessions and destroying our apartment
There’s nothing that would happen that we couldn’t talk about
But lately we’ve been riffing instead of trying to talk it out
I said I would never leave you and I still feel the same
But it’s killing me inside to fathom that your feelings have changed
[Chorus]
Now you can think me bad for the things I do
But you don’t understand, it’s not all about you
I sit and think through times of how we came to be
And come to realize, you’re nothing like me, now I see
[Monoxide]
I know I told you when we met that I’m a weirdo
I got a lot of problems trusting other people
I’m filled with evil that leads me into darkness
And when I start this, you’ll probably say that I’m heartless
And your remark is “I hate you!”, hear her car skid
She’s standing in the door, crying, bitch, that’s our kid!
Your Daddy loves you, baby, your mom’s a crazy lady
She’s saying all of these things in an attempt for you to hate me
I never meant for her to leave us like she did
But really, I can’t blame her, cause I know that I’m a dick
I got some issues that I know I need to deal with
But so do you, don’t act like that, at least just keep it real with me
And we can make it feel so surreal
Like I’m dreaming, but instead you pack your bags
Give me the finger and tell me you’re leaving
I know these demons are gonna come get me
So forget we ever met
I hope you don’t mind if blood dripping all over my neck
[Chorus]
Now you can think me bad for the things I do
But you don’t understand, it’s not all about you
I sit and think through times of how we came to be
And come to realize, you’re nothing like me, now I see
I never said that I would
I never said that I would
I never said that I would leave you
I never said that I would
I never said that I would
I never said that I would leave you