my fucking sidekick got screwed up today…i had it in my pocket and apparently something in there pushed into the screen and caused much damage to the LCD crystals…so now there’s a big black spot covering half of it 🙁 mother fuckers…all this time, i’ve dropped it…used it all the time…sat on it…and nothing. one little fucking thing…probably my lighter, or possibly the quartz crystal, smashed up the fucking screen. mother FUCKER.

i haven’t felt the way…i feel today…in so long it’s hard for me to specify…..

By Ben Stein Published 9/2/2005 11:59:59 PM ***UPDATED: Sunday, Sept. 4, 2005, 2:13 p.m.*** A few truths, for those who have ears and eyes and care to know the truth: 1.) The hurricane that hit New Orleans and Mississippi and Alabama was an astonishing tragedy. The suffering and loss of life and peace of mind of the residents of those areas is acutely horrifying. 2.) George Bush did not cause the hurricane. Hurricanes have been happening for eons. George Bush did not create them or unleash this one. 3.) George Bush did not make this one worse than others. There have been far worse hurricanes than this before George Bush was born. 4.) There is no overwhelming evidence that global warming exists as a man-made phenomenon. There is no clear-cut evidence that global warming even exists. There is no clear evidence that if it does exist it makes hurricanes more powerful or makes them aim at cities with large numbers of poor people. If global warming is a real phenomenon, which it may well be, it started long before George Bush was inaugurated, and would not have been affected at all by the Kyoto treaty, considering that Kyoto does not cover the world’s worst polluters — China, India, and Brazil. In a word, George Bush had zero to do with causing this hurricane. To speculate otherwise is belief in sorcery. 5.) George Bush had nothing to do with the hurricane contingency plans for New Orleans. Those are drawn up by New Orleans and Louisiana. In any event, the plans were perfectly good: mandatory evacuation. It is in no way at all George Bush’s fault that about 20 percent of New Orleans neglected to follow the plan. It is not his fault that many persons in New Orleans were too confused to realize how dangerous the hurricane would be. They were certainly warned. It’s not George Bush’s fault that there were sick people and old people and people without cars in New Orleans. His job description does not include making sure every adult in America has a car, is in good health, has good sense, and is mobile. 6.) George Bush did not cause gangsters to shoot at rescue helicopters taking people from rooftops, did not make gang bangers rape young girls in the Superdome, did not make looters steal hundreds of weapons, in short make New Orleans into a living hell. 7.) George Bush is the least racist President in mind and soul there has ever been and this is shown in his appointments over and over. To say otherwise is scandalously untrue. 8.) George Bush is rushing every bit of help he can to New Orleans and Mississippi and Alabama as soon as he can. He is not a magician. It takes time to organize huge convoys of food and now they are starting to arrive. That they get in at all considering the lawlessness of the city is a miracle of bravery and organization. 9.) There is not the slightest evidence at all that the war in Iraq has diminished the response of the government to the emergency. To say otherwise is pure slander. 10.) If the energy the news media puts into blaming Bush for an Act of God worsened by stupendous incompetence by the New Orleans city authorities and the malevolence of the criminals of the city were directed to helping the morale of the nation, we would all be a lot better off. 11.) New Orleans is a great city with many great people. It will recover and be greater than ever. Sticking pins into an effigy of George Bush that does not resemble him in the slightest will not speed the process by one day. 12.) The entire episode is a dramatic lesson in the breathtaking callousness of government officials at the ground level. Imagine if Hillary Clinton had gotten her way and they were in charge of your health care. God bless all of those dear people who are suffering so much, and God bless those helping them, starting with George Bush. ****

ok…so i’ve been at work like 5 mins…it already looks like a lovely day. yes i was running late, so that already sucks. well, the light above my head…is fucking flickering. if it was half-off, fine…i don’t mind the dark of course. but no, it flickers from light to dark…and it’s fucking driving me insane. now it’s already making my eyes hurt, it’s gonna give me a headache…im just gonna wear my sunglasses all day. ugh….. fuckery duckery dock. anyway, and on another note…happy bday to Amy.

http://paranormal.about.com/library/bl_exorcism_recording.htm

well the dreams only get stranger…i was lucid the whole time, it started on some type of bus or something, there was a man and woman, possibly brother and sister, that were quite friendly and such, i seemed an outsider on this bus, like, i didn’t know anyone else there. well anyway, something triggered this…violence…and the duo started slashing…they had scalpel type razors and were killing everyone. as the lady came at me, i wondered if she would pause because we’d become “friends” but it didn’t stop her…and she jabbed the razor into the middle of my throat and i just slumped down, i felt all the warmth running down my neck and body, and i just kept my eyes open and slowed my breathing…feeling that something would happen and something would take care of me. so…i think i drifted in and out for a little bit, seeing as how i had a scalpel shoved into my neck and i was dying, but i somehow made it off the bus and out into some city, and it was…very futuristic or very sci-fi, whichever suits you. well, i basically just laid on the street dying, hoping someone would notice or help, and finally some lady stopped to help me, she got me inside her house (some apartment type thing, again, sleek and futuristic…) i remember everything being shiny metal and very clean and nondescript. i really can’t describe how it felt, it was just…i couldnt move, it was like, the less i moved around or tried to do anything the faster i would die. almost like my staying calm was keeping me alive. i think the wound was more…directly into my throat and it was causing me difficulty in breathing. they didnt slice my neck across like the others, which may explain why i didn’t bleed to death. well, so the lady took care of me, and when i came to, things were like, noticeably different…my neck was scarred over and i was still weak and slow, could barely move. i dont remember a whole lot else, but i remember being in public with the lady that cared for me and everyone was wearing the same type of clothing and everything was silver and metallic. it was some type of public bazaar, and this older man approached me and commented on my familiarity, and then realized i was his victim…it was the man from the bus, but he had aged 30 years and i hadn’t…and he apologized and gave no excuse for his action but requested i don’t blame him, etc…and he pointed out the woman, the one who actually stabbed my throat and i remember this frightened look on her face like i wasn’t supposed to be there, that something was so very wrong at me even surviving or something….i dunno. some look of horror…and then shortly after that i woke up, or at least moved into some different dreaming.

the cute girl was a failure. not my failure, but hers. the hand holding and touching of skin apparently wasn’t that meaningful. so…not my fucking loss. i think i’m slowly learning what i need to know…not to hope for anything, and not to give anyone the attention they want. yeah, i say that…and i’ll do the opposite. i’ve had too many people in my life have pure respect and love for everything that i am, and i need to quit trying to sell myself short.

well, i didn’t get a chance to write this because i was rushing to leave, going out of town, but tuesday night i had a dream…and it was, weird. i haven’t heard from my shehag in months now, but she showed up in my dream…only toward the very end…it was dark, i want to say i was near like, a train or something at a train station? anyway, i dont remember the details of why i was there. i saw her and like, my heart jumped, as i imagine it probably will if i ever see her again. i’ve seen a couple of people that looked sorta like her in public, and as i stare trying to tell if it is, my stomach just starts knotting up and i get all nervous, like, i dunno. but i’ve also sorta realized that if i see her, i will KNOW it’s her, i don’t think i’ll have to judge and stare trying to figure it out. anyway, the dream…i was standing there, she walked up out of nowhere, i sorta gasped and she came toward me and hugged me, kissed me passionately but briefly, stopped, looked at me, kissed me again and smiled and walked away without really saying a word…and just disappeared back in the night. very few of you people have had the power to take my breath away without ever speaking a word. and, otherwise…i just got back from kansas city, went to see dave matthews band at this huge ass amphitheater with brian, jen, and lisa. thats the largest concert area i’ve been to, aside from like, outdoor festival concerts here in town. it was a great show, those guys are all way talented. we had a good trip, uneventful really. we ate at the cheesecake factory, always a plus. about everyone kept asking jen (wearing dmb tshirt) if we were going to the concert, had she seen them, etc. i don’t remember people doing that to me if i was wearing a band shirt on the day of a show. then again i dont think i’ve worn band shirts to concerts. i guess its not an applicable comparison. anyway, i posted a couple pics on my blog that are from my cellphone, i’ll soon be posting the pics from the weirdo psycho Precious Moments Cathedral. flitzanu.blogspot.com …………..