and i fucking did it again…that’s 2 nights that i didn’t take the chance…just asking for a fucking phone number. the disappearing act is really making me wonder, i don’t know if it’s ME, or if it’s me not being aggressive. well, whatever i guess. apparently i’m not the ignition to the flame that is needed. and danya, i’ll cry for you, it hurts me too, i still have part of your soul as much as you have part of mine, and it kills me to see you this way, my tears are yours.

ok, so i had an incredible dream last night, and as usual, they seem to center themselves around my parents land…where i grew up. well, i’ll get to the meat of it before i forget, which really i only remember one main part. one small note, almost every dream i have about that area lately, my parents have this huge house they are building off on the side of the yard, and it’s mostly done just not painted or furnished, and it’s HUGE, like, a mansion…and it makes me want to live in it. and incidentally…i just realized i fell asleep with my crystal in my pocket…though its doubtful that it has THAT much influence. so, i was outside of my parents land in the dream, and i remember looking up and the sky was just swirling…..and then this funnel started forming…and it merged and turned into a small tornado, but it was focused. it wasn’t causing damage, it was just squeezing tighter together into a tight funnel, and i’m just standing outside watching it, and then the bottom tail of it starts extending down toward me…and i remember being hesitant at first, and it seems like someone was either talking in my head or someone was outside with me, i dunno…but i think i reassured the voice or person that it would all be ok. as it came down…i reached out and grabbed the tail of the funnel, and i felt it tugging on me, so i wrapped it around my arm several times so i wouldn’t lose grip, and then just closed my eyes…and it started pulling me up. once i was a good way up in the air i remember looking around, and i could feel my stomach turning, like, when you’re going down a big hill or on a roller coaster. well, as i’m floating up, then i heard the inevitable noises, the electric crackling and popping, so i was resonating. honestly i haven’t heard that in a while, so i’m glad to know i’m still capable…and after that it just went sorta blurry, i remember i did cross that feeling, where i knew i was “somewhere else” but i also gained full awareness of my body, i could feel my heart beating, feel my rhythmic breathing, i could feel my eyes fluttering under my eyelids. the place i was at was just, some…red room, like red furniture, red velvet couches and such, and i was just looking at magazines or something, someone was talking to me asking questions and i kept saying i was asleep, that i can’t answer because i’m not conscious…i guess i knew? i dunno. weird. well, the rest of the dreams i had were just as weird, though not as intense. one bit i remember being in a room with friends and such, and deangela was there, and i don’t fucking understand, but she had a laptop and was like, taking it apart and doing this weird yoga shit with my hand, twisting my wrist around and such, but it was all in synch with this open, taken apart laptop. i can’t explain it better. and i remember riding with someone in a SUV taking someone home and going up this hill, and i thought we were gonna die…i’ve often had dreams of going up like, 90% incline hills where we’re almost vertical….ugh…not sure where that comes from. well, i’ll add more if i remember.

so, after much sleep this week i’ve decided to write something…i’ve had swirls of so much i want to write, but nothing in shape and form. i’ve gotten the notion to write down some of my dreams into a story format, so maybe i’ll start “writing” again…anyway well, the recent, last night was very cool. i continually jinx things anyway, so why not again…but i don’t want to fucking be busted for “not writing” something or being disbelieved…. i met a very cool, very cute girl last night. and believe it or not…at the Depot. truly, the most unlikely place for me to ever meet someone. well, she was a friend of a friend, so i didn’t meet her of my own volition. well, we chatted, laughed, etc…touched and held hands, went to breakfast…and then just sorta ended. i keep wanting to think something got weird, but i’m fighting myself on that one. she got tired and we left, and me being a moron i didn’t ask for her number…so i talked to my friend and hopefully i can remedy that situation. and now i’m tired, i don’t want to fucking write. it was nice to touch skin again…skin that was willing and not judgemental…skin that was tender and nervous. oh, there is another…i have a good friend going through some major fucking shit right now, and i wish him the best, and i truly hope he listens to me and doesn’t try to blame himself for anything.

so…who out there believes we did or did not land on the moon?

i wish i slept better. and more.

You squirt out red and turn so yellow And then you made me kill my own I’m not afraid (coming, coming) But I’m afraid Blood in your eyes again Bravery, the face of man Blood on your mind again Chivalry, the face of man Blood in your lies again Enemy, the face of man Blood in your eyes, again Is this the only path of glory? If so then I won’t go alone Follow the trail (running) Follow the trail I’m not afraid But I’m afraid

someone buy me fucking thundercats on dvd today! now! go!

“welcome to my mattress, my yellow-stained fortress” –revolting cocks