You can always tell who will make a bad girlfriend by the number of friends that they have or don’t have. — the Hammer

posted some new pics on the foto site… http://flitzanu.fotopic.net

My compassion is broken now
my will is eroded now
desire is broken now
it makes me feel alive
im on my knees and burnin’
my piss and moans are the fuel that sets my head on fire
so smell my soul burn
im broken lookin’ up to see the enemy
and i have swallowed the poison you feed me
but i survive on the poison you feed me
guilt fed, hatred fed, weakness fed
and it makes me feel ugly
on my knees and burnin’
my piss and moans are the fuel that sets my head on fire
im dead inside

shit adds up, shit adds up, shit adds up, shit adds up at the bottom

–rollins– if i let you, you would make me destroy myself
in order to survive you, i must first survive myself
i can sink no further, and i cannot forgive you
there’s no choice but to confront you, to engage you, to erase you
ive gone to great lenghts to expand my threshold of pain
i will use my mistakes against you, there’s no other choice
im shameless now, im nameless now, im nothing now, im no one now
but my soul must be iron ’cause my fear is naked
im naked and fearless
and my fear is naked

dead inside, dead inside, dead inside
nameless now, shameless now, nothing now, no one now
shit adds up (x4)
and you see me naked now
fearless now, naked now (x2)
shit adds up
it leaves me dead inside (x4)

hatred keeps me alive
angriness keeps me alive
weakness keeps me alive
guilt keeps me alive
at the bottom

i found the best subtle irony yesterday…i was gothing it up, chic style, looking in hot topic for some body jewelry and i found a great tshirt. the line was actually close to another one i found, and i wanted to get it..but…… ok, the shirt says “chicks dig scrawny pale guys” that’s just funny….its not gospel truth or anything, but scrawny and pale fits me pretty well. now, the irony… the only one they had left was an XL size. if i have to explain the joke…you dont’ need to laugh.

happy bday to my brother yesterday, seems there will be a trend of women fucking things up for my family name this year. hey ladies, can’t you pick a better fucking day to act like a fucking moron and psycho than someone’s birthday? show some fucking respect… but…karma finds it’s way around. there are a few bdays coming up in the near future, and i don’t think any of you can make amends by then. hey, it’s only fair.

A sizzling connection with an unlikely candidate has got you a bit confused. They’re nothing like the people you’re usually attracted to — and that is a good thing. Don’t be afraid to try something new! —- yeah, cmon, wtf…i already know what happens when i try new things with people that “aren’t like” the others.

when drastic things are going on in life, for some idiotic reason i find myself thinking and missing those people that were once so close to me…and i haven’t fully understood why…those faces from the past that i became such close friends with, or the ones that held more…my danielle, my dear crystal, and even with all the bitterness, i think of jamie…not as Shallow, but as the girl i was great friends with and close to, the person i knew before the dire changes in her soul. crystal, you know me best…of anyone i still have around…i wish i had you to hug me and tell me things were ok, for the life of me i can’t think of another person that could do it and make me believe it was true. danielle, we were great friends…then you had to go out and find your own life and take my lessons with you, so we aren’t as close as we once were…and jamie, well…you were a great friend to me and i valued that friendship, it’s unfortunate things and choices were made that severed those ties. danya…you’re so busy lately and you have enough to worry about without me. i just don’t know…and i hate even mentioning some of those names. call it a moment of weakness yet again.

will you remember the times i looked at you, will you remember how i touched your skin? will you ignore the way i treated you, will you ignore how things could’ve been? will you forget so easily the things i did for you, will you forget how broken your soul was? will you cast aside my kissing you, will you cast aside all thoughts of us? do it. i want to be dead. i want to be gone. i want to be the aftertaste you can’t rid yourself of, the thought that you hide having, the memory you wish was synthetic… ——- take your hatred out on me, make your victim my head… you never ever believed in me, i am your tourniquet… (manson)

there’s still traces of me in your veins……..

the ants are in the sugar
the muscles atrophied
we’re on the other side, the screen is us and we’re t.v.
spread me open,
sticking to my pointy ribs
are all your infants in abortion cribs
I was born into this
everything turns to shit
the boy that you loved is the man that you fear
pray until your number,
asleep from all your pain,
your apple has been rotting
tomorrow’s turned up dead
i have it all and i have no choice but to
i’ll make everyone pay and you will see
you can kill yourself now
because you’re dead
in my mind
the boy that you loved is the monster you fear
peel off all those eyes and crawl into the dark,
you’ve poisoned all of your children to camouflage your scars
pray unto the splinters, pray unto your fear
pray your life was just a dream
the cut that never heals
pray now baby, pray your life was just a dream
(I am so tangled in my sins that I cannot escape)
pinch the head off, collapse me like a weed
someone had to go this far
I was born into this
everything turns to shit
the boy that you loved is the man that you fear
peel off all those eyes and crawl into the dark,
you’ve poisoned all of your children to camouflage your scars
pray unto the splinters, pray unto your fear
pray your life was just a dream
the cut that never heals
pray now baby, pray your life was just a dream
the world in my hands, there’s no one left to hear you scream
there’s no one left for you