i watched the Machinist last night with Christian Bale as Reznik…very cool flick. i mean, it isn’t the most original concept, but it’s rarely used. it was amazing how thin that fucker was, i keep hearing stories about how he lost SO much weight…and he really did. it is sickly. good to watch though, definitely give it a shot. i’m ignorant and haven’t looked it up, but there was a guy that looked like Michael Ironside in it, but i’m not positive if it was. he’s a cool cat PERIOD. (the guy had big hair and a beard so i couldnt tell)

i guess i’m “a real jerk or crybaby” according to this song. superficials…go find johnny quarterback! Nada Surf — Popular

Three important rules for breaking up
Don’t put off breaking up when you know you want to
Prolonging the situation only makes it worse
Tell him honestly, simply, kindly, but firmly
Don’t make a big production
Don’t make up an elaborate story
This will help you avoid a big tear jerking scene
If you wanna date other people say so
Be prepared for the boy to feel hurt and rejected
Even if you’ve gone together for only a short time,
And haven’t been too serious,
There’s still a feeling of rejection
When someone says she preferres the company of others
To your exclusive company,
But if you’re honest, and direct,
And avoid making a flowery emotional speech when you brake the news,
The boy will respect you for your frankness,
And honestly he’ll apeciate the kind of straight foward manner
In which you told him your decision
Unless he’s a real jerk or a cry baby you will remain friends

I’m head of the class
‘m popular
I’m a quarter back
I’m popular
My mom says I’m a catch
I’m popular
I’m never last picked
I got a cheerleader chick

Being attractive is the most important thing there is
If you wanna catch the biggest fish in your pond
You have to be as attractive as possible
Make sure to keep your hair spotless and clean
Wash it at least every two weeks
Once every two weeks
And if you see Jhonny football hero in the hall
Tell him he played a great game
Tell him you like his article in the newspaper

I’m the party star
I’m popular
I’ve got my own car
I’m popular
I’ll never get caught
I’m popular
I make football bets
I’m a teachers pet.

I propose we support a one month limit on going steady
I think It will keep you both more able to deal with weird situation
And get to know more people
I think if you’re ready to go out with Johnny
Now’s the time to tell him about your one month limit
He wont mind he’ll apreciate your fresh look on dating
And once you’ve dated someone else you can date him again
I’m sure he’ll like it
Everyone will appreciate it
You so novel what a good idea
You can keep your time to your self
You don’t need date insurance
You can go out with whoever you want to
Every boy, every boy, in the whole world could be yours
If you’ll just listen to my plan
THE TEENAGE GUIDE TO POPULARITY

i see the signs. i always do, and maybe it’s my stupid nature to think that things aren’t as bad as what i know they are. so she-hag, the story…of your signs. things were shaky, sure…and you sat on a pc less than 2 feet away from me and chatted with your replacement. i watched you giggle and smile…i watched you do things i remembered you doing when we first met and first got together…and i gave you grace. i watched it happen more often and more frequently, and i gave you grace. it’s only the internet, i talk to many people too, why should i worry. i also didn’t pay attention to how i would come home around 10:30 or 11pm at night from work and see you on the phone…and you’d quickly get off…and tell me you were talking to your mom. sure, maybe you were, i don’t know…and i have no proof to say otherwise…but now that i look back, it was a bit iffy. especially when all the other events came to light. i watched as you had less interest in me, the way all of your sincerity started to fail…i watched you became selfish and materialistic…you weren’t what i knew…i saw you as so different when we first met, and then you turned into THAT thing…you were simply a beast…you became the one called She-Hag. did i know what was happening? of course i did. i saw it, i read the signs…the way you giggled like a teenager when you were chatting with him, the way you treated me after you left that night and never came home…and then that one day you made me feel things might be different…you kept telling me how you “wanted to be together” and you just wanted to have your own place…of course i knew that wasn’t true and it would never last…until you came over and blew me, which apparently was just some simple act of lust as you put it. and that you were just trying…to see if you felt something…that wasn’t there. oh how familiar…you’re now not the only girl to come after me to my house and use your mouth and hands to please me for some selfish benefit…whatever it is. you’re the ones i don’t understand…how easy you can please someone or allow yourself to be physically pleasing to another…with no fucking regret or consequence. she-hag…i never doubted you and your fidelity, i’ve never believed you physically cheated on me. it’s not like you, not the way you loved me. some things won’t change. of course there’s the new “idea” that emotional cheating is as bad as physical, but i still think that remains to be seen. i’ve been the emotional escape for so many…and so many of you…simply use it and leave. what about you, shallowtubby? lets see…you had a shitty boyfriend…for a long time…and you were so fucking brainwashed into thinking your life was how you wanted, and things were the way they should have been…and yet you ran to my fucking arms…and did the same thing. oh, lets see, how about i come over some night…we’ll mess around and i’ll go down on you too daniel. you’re proud of it, you think it’s something you’re good at. you know what…any girl can do it. so many of you always say “oh i bet they just didn’t DO it right…” well, someone tell me what kind of talent there is with closing your lips around someone’s cock and sliding around. whatever. and then what? you brushed your teeth and ran back to your boyfriend. i should have seen it then…you were willing to do that…and still have the gall to return to another guy…the one you loved…after cheating on him with someone like ME. don’t forget, i’m the one without broad shoulders, i’m the one who wears a big nosering, i’m the one, as you so succinctly put it, who wears eyeliner and furcoats…yet another of your reasons why you couldn’t “date me.” oh, yeah…i’m different. and so did you do the same? makes me wonder how long you had inner conflict when you decided you wanted to fuck my virgin friend. i’m sure that was an accomplishment for you. well, i suppose that’s another thing that you had in common with the she-hag…don’t forget how you dated our young friend at toys r us who had also never had the touch of a woman. the similarities seem to increase. and both of you…are lions. the thing i dream about, the thing i fight, the thing that chases me and the thing that i chase back. and my aquarians? well, i’ve tried…and it just doesn’t pan out. my old love danya…she’s remained constant, for some reason she’s the one that has never crossed or destroyed any sense of my personality in the ways most of the others have done…and we have my 2nd aquarius…the one with the birthday so near mine we probably WERE close to being “twin flames.” we read each other instinctively, we knew each other’s reactions…and for those same reasons we grew quickly apart. you were upset because we had sex so few times, and you felt it was something wrong with “us” because it wasn’t normal…and you pulled yourself away…i think you knew it wouldn’t last, but we bowed out gracefully. and then the third aquarius…well…hardly anything to say…you wanted in my bed so badly you were there before you were in my head…and that just doesn’t work for me. no more aquarians…our souls are too similar….

i have given a lot of thought about the most common response i get about “things” and that response is “…after THIS much time has passed…” in reference to having reactions or feelings to a situation. does it really matter? it’s always easier to give advice and thoughts than to face them on our own, i know, but really…what does it matter? is there a statute of time limitation on how long i can have a feeling about someone? is it “wrong” for me to wake up one day and think of something that a person did to hurt me 15 years ago and realize that i want to say something about it? i don’t see why…again…it’s people trying to make me believe that i should close my eyes and be ignorant to someone’s indifference and insult…well, fuck off, i’m not gonna be. you know…if any of you want to think that i’m WRONG for having a reaction to something…deal with it. and you know what? when the situation comes up for you…i’m going to do and say the exact same shit that you’ve all said to me about your “time frame” of how long i’m allowed to be bothered by something. hey while we’re at it, maybe since it was so long ago that Jesus was crucified, maybe we should just get over it and stop dwelling on the past, right? it was so long ago, we aren’t allowed to have a reaction or feeling about something that happened prior to yesterday from the way everyone talks.

staring at the sea will she come? is there hope for me after all is said and done anything at any price all of this for you all the spoils of a wasted life all of this for you all the world has closed her eyes tired faith all worn and thin for all we could have done and all that could have been ocean pulls me close and whispers in my ear the destiny i’ve chose all becoming clear the currents have their say the time is drawing near washes me away makes me disappear and i descend from grace in arms of undertow i will take my place in the great below i can still feel you even so far away i can still feel you even so far away

just thought…when shallowtubby almost ran me over earlier she said “sorry” ….it just now made me laugh because of how ironic it is for that word to leave her lips.

so i went to the machu picchu exhibit…and it’s outstanding. not as all-encompassing as i’d hoped for, but good, nonetheless. unsurprisingly they used corn beer quite a bit…thus drinking is great for everyone, so do more of it. wait, they didn’t survive. i couldn’t take pics inside though, so no way to let anyone sneak a peak. my thoughts are growing on another victim…so if you’re sick of reading hatred and bile, then just skim the first few lines and move on.

everyone else gets their fair shot with my words. one of the D’s i knew…the one that disappears as quickly as she arrives…everytime…the one who wanted simply to feel my body…have you done the same thing? the more i look the more it seems you have…i gave you the needed emotional attention you wanted because you weren’t finding it with your other guys…and then what? you’re right back with them. and oh how similar…you simply wanted to fuck me, but never love me. and oh how it bothered you so when i turned you down that night, it was the strongest move i’ve made on someone, and evidently i should use it more often. i feel much better knowing i stopped anything from happening…because it gave ME the control over the situation, it gave ME power over things. of course i try to pretend like i’m too good to sleep with someone just for pleasure, i wanted to of course, and maybe i should have. well, you come around every few months, so…we’ll see what happens in the future. i can be indifferent about it.

just need any of you to make sure you understand…just because i may make reference to you, doesn’t mean i give a shit about you or what you are doing right now. if you think you’re special, keep thinking on that…because it probably isn’t true. don’t think i dwell on anything…this isn’t dwelling on the past…this is me dwelling on the future…and the person i want to be from now on. the person that is free from being mired in worthless shit brought on by lackluster fucking people. you’re forgiven.