i had a dream that my parents had a red cat. it was normal in every way, even in markings, but bright red. it had white splotches on it’s belly and i think even had white mittens. i want one. also had a lot more going on but it’s all hazy, i remember some “person” after me and the people i was with, it was one of those movie chase things where we’d jump in the car and rush to lock the doors as he was walking up. i also remember being very intimate with a girl from my past…and i remember thinking in my head how i hope HE sees it and realizes what type of person she was. everything gets so strange and yet weirdly honest when i close my eyes…

I’ve been thinking about what you said
It’s been going around in my head
I’ve been thinking about what you were
It’s a messy messed up blur

and when the con was over
one thing I learned:

I think you’d be better off if you were dead

think your check might last a year?
aint got no worries…
aint got no fear…
you change so fast you’re such a creep
you make me feel so very cheap

and when the heist was over
I guess I got burned

I think you’d be better off if you were dead

how could you say that i never needed you….when you took everything……you took everything from me…..

ho hum.

you know, sometimes i wish i actually believed in coincidence… it would make things a lot different and bearable i think. but no…i have to know different and i have to see past things into the way they truly are. i see why things aren’t as pretty as we want them to be.

so my dream last night was incredible…i guess it played on teh bar scene from last night. same setup, i was in some dive bar and this fight broke out or something, it got really nasty like, broken bottles and such…then it turns out it’s like an acting troop or something, like, they do all this stuff as performance art. very hard to explain. anyway, i ended up hanging out with these folks, it was awesome, they’d go to bars and get in all these fake fights and stuff with each other, it was so weird. they took me into their group and then all their groupie chicks were all over me. i almost remember the name of one, i knew it in the dream and it isn’t coming to me. dammit…oh well. i think i made out with one of them, and another tried to pull my pants off because she wanted to see my additions. i think at some point before or after i was in a different dream area, somewhere like a downtown area and i was trying to find a club…some owner came out and was all yelling like he was a mob lord or something, ended up somethign happened and befriended him too, so i was one of the group. i think somehow it all merged at the end into some big party or whatnot, and at some point we got arrested and then the femm cop just jumped me because i smelled like camel cigarrettes. how fucked is this?

i finally got to hang out with my work friends last night without the interference of two people that disgust me. i miss seeing jeff and jen especially. they’re good people. i dont get to hang out with michael much either because of all that shit so it was good to meet up outside of work for once. i’m sure it won’t happen again soon though. a few things came up i guess, and some of it still strikes me as so ridiculous…but still, only human. i shouldn’t expect any different from people like that. if someone can betray their friends so easily, are they still a friend? were they ever? Judas betrayed his friend. anyway, a big fight broke out at the bar, probably over some bitch i’m sure…it always seems to be. testosterone and pussy are such a volatile concoction…it mixes and causes all sorts of problems. half the bar was holding people back or something, i dunno…a lady had her dog inside too, a very sweet pit bull. i thought she should have just let it go attack everyone. so, at least i got to catch up with people i hadn’t seen in a while. i better not let the word get out that i’m having FUN though, people might get suspicious or want to ruin it.

at the prompting of something else, i remembered mydream last night, i dreamt that axl rose was dying and on an ambulance or something and i was totally sad.

and now email is down at work….fuckers……

she hag, its nigh time for you to write again, it’s been too long….