…..remember Shallowtubby.

i’m forgetful in my old age… had a synchro yesterday with courtney. i saw her in the morning and we talked about lunch, i was thinking “hey i could go get food and bring it back since you only have 30 mins” but i didn’t say anything. i kept thinking about it and was gonna ask her…then she texts me and asks basically the same thing…it’s good to have someone in my head that deserves to be there. then again, most of you people simply wouldn’t understand a real connection anyway.

i forgot one from about 2 days ago too, had another “experience.” seems they’re getting more frequent again, either they found me or i’m allowing myself to have them, whichever answer seems more “sane” to you people that think i’m crazy anyway. well, i was in a different bed in the dream and came to and realized i wasn’t alone, it was a smaller figure than usual, sorta charcoal grayish and a bit rough skinned, almost like hard skinned…sorta like elephant skin and a tad knobby like croc skin. i’d say it was about 3.5 feet tall, small enough to fit on the bed and still appear threatening. i just remember it grabbing like my forehead and hair and holding on to one of my arms and keeping it’s face in front of mine. it was like it was taunting me…it knew i was paralyzed anyway and couldn’t fight back, and so coupled with the feeling of being restrained AND it being so physically close to my face…it wasn’t a good time. i remember doing all i felt i could do and couldn’t break out of it. if i remember correctly, seems that something else was coming, like i felt a 2nd presence but i snapped out before anything else. as usual, i came to with my my eyes tired and my body tingling.

i forgot about something the other night, or late last week, i didnt write this one out. the dream was weird, don’t remember all the details now, but i was somewhere with people i didn’t know, and one of them started tattooing me, it was on my forearm and it was a pale yellow fish of some sort. i don’t want my forearms tattooed, and in the dream i remember rationalizing with myself that it’s pale yellow and won’t show up that much and that i could just wear long sleeves. i don’t remember the full figure of the fish, just that i remember him doing the outline and then coloring in with yellow. maybe some significance with “fish” and “yellow” or something…guess i need to look into it.

see the animal in his cage that you built are you sure what side you’re on? better not look him too closely in the eye are you sure what side of the glass you are on? see the safety of the life you have built everything where it belongs feel the hollowness inside of your heart and its all right where it belongs what if everything around you isn’t quite as it seems? what if all the world you think you know is an elaborate dream? and if you look at your reflection is that all you want to be? what if you could look right through the cracks, would you find yourself find yourself afraid to see? what if all the world’s inside of your head just creations of your own? your devils and your gods, all the living and the dead and you’re really all alone? you can live in this illusion, you can choose to believe you keep looking but you can’t find the woods while you’re hiding in the trees

i fucking hate hearing, seeing, and knowing my friends are upset…it really bothers me…one of them is on edge right now because of a fucking girl…i can relate oh so well to the feeling and i hate knowing that people have to suffer this. blessed be, M, i hope you stay safe and in one piece tonight, and perhaps you can find what you need to absolve yourself.

wtf, there’s a pigface concert may 13th and no one told me?? thanks to lovegoth i know about it now. you people are slipping….. thx lovey!

You’re in the mood for love — real, romantic love — and you won’t be able to concentrate on anything else for days. No, this isn’t at all like you, and yes, your friends will be stunned. Too bad. Here’s something you were never expecting: the sneaking feeling that you may have been struck by love at first sight. No, it doesn’t come along that often — and even less often in your case, since you’re oh so realistic and objective — but you really can’t rule it out entirely. After all, this is one of those stories we pray we’ll live long enough to tell our great-grandchildren about. ——— ok, i’m gonna call bullshit on this one…….tried this once before…..

ok, the only thing i remember from my dream last night is that henry rollins was in a helicopter outside my “work” and he shoved one of those mini kid sized fishing poles thru his septum, which was pretty impressive. then as he flew around, paula abdul was with him…they landed and signed some autographs and then took off. wtf? i can’t find or determine any symbolism in this one…..

i saw Kingdom of Heaven last night…pretty good flick. the only thing is that it seemed to give a little more glory and beauty to the crusades…which i don’t agree with…seeing as how christians just went around slaughtering the rest of the world because they didn’t believe in God. killing in the name of….