May the Fourth be with you, dark side.

Evanescence — Hello playground school bell rings again
rain clouds come to play again
has no one told you she’s not breathing?
hello i’m your mind giving you someone to talk to
hello

if i smile and don’t believe
soon i know i’ll wake from this dream
don’t try to fix me i’m not broken
hello i’m the lie living for you so you can hide
don’t cry

suddenly i know i’m not sleeping
hello i’m still here
all that’s left of yesterday

i was talking with michael this morning…sorta came to a new conclusion with women. it’s always about cock with them, so if you want to succeed, you either need a huge cock, or you need to BE a huge cock. generally it’s the latter.

I fucked your girlfriend last night.
While you snored and drooled, I fucked your love.
She called me Daddy. And I called her baby when I
Smacked her ass. I called her sugar when I ate
Her alive till daylight. And I slept with her all
Over me, from forehead to ribcage I dripper her ass.
Sometimes I thought you might be spying, living out some
Brash fantasy, but no. You were knocked out. But we were
All knocked out you know. In a way
I serve too many masters.
We didn’t know you’d break the bottle that the magic
Came in to use those jagged shards to slit our wrists
And neck. And you’d do it too, you’re that kind of dude.
But you wouldn’t know what you were doing because
I didn’t, your girlfriend could have been a burn
Victim, an amputee, a dead body. But god damn I wanted
To fuck.
I’m serving too many fucking masters.
[I told you. I told you motherfucker]

ok, so the other night i had a LOT of time to dream…and boy i did. seems that 3 girls have found their way into my dreams, and they were about life “after the fact” it seems. so, part of it was about she-hag, we found our way back together, things seemed so normal. i can’t remember what the surroundings were, i just remember doing daily things like cleaning and talking and stuff. i think part of the dream was in the old apartment and part in my trailer, the only places i have familiar with both of us i guess. the details have since slowly disappeared so i don’t remember much of the dream now. and then we have shallow. she was in the other half of the dream, i don’t so much remember her face i just know it was her presence. i think i tried to avoid looking at her maybe. it was about the same concept, we were together and giggling and such, and something weird happened, some witch/monster/beast/crazy lady was in a part of it, she was there to hurt her…i think we were in some wooden shack or something, like a cabin. i remember getting in her face and telling her that “you will not fucking touch her, you won’t fucking hurt her” and apparently this witch beast found that amusing and started throwing magic crap at me and i kept “blocking” all of it with my hands to protect shallow. ugh…after all the bullshit of course..why would i protect that thing? just in my nature i suppose. i don’t remember what else happened but i know that i kept shallow from getting hurt. and then a reoccuring dream last night…about jezebel. not sure why, but we both looked and seemed different, she didnt have her tattoos and i was, i dunno, i seemed different. anyway, we went to like new orleans or something, and i remember brian and jen were there too, and scott i believe. well, things were awesome, we were happy together, and then we got split up and lost…took me hours to find her and when we did we were attached at the hip, i didn’t let her out of my arms and we just stayed in a constant hug. at one point we lost brian and jen too i think but found them. all those details are pretty hazy now too, sometimes it’s hard for me to remember everything in the dreams, i just know that i’ve had that circumstance before, i remember a boat and a stairway across a canal, like, the stairs were on one side and i kept going the wrong way. i remember certain buildings near the hotel, like i see the sign but not the name, i know it was next to it. very wild. so overall with dreaming of the three women, with she hag i was happy and complete, with shallow i was there to protect her, and jezebel i lost her. who knows what i should think of this….

you ever wake up and not really know if you’re truly awake or not? i am so exhausted still…after sleeping a full night…sometimes i wonder if i woke up or not… but alas, no, i’m the freak that notices things like that.

and my wish was granted.

i haven’t heard from she-hag in a couple weeks now…sad, i want to know how she is doing :-/ write me booch!

Keep your feet on the ground even as you keep reaching for the stars. What does that mean? Well, it means that you should dream big — and that you should work hard in order to achieve those dreams.
yes, and i’ll burn my fucking hands for eternity to keep grasping them…if only for a day.

my sis has surgery again today…they are replacing a knee cap or something, or putting a plate behind it…i don’t know the exact details. stuff like this stresses me out so much…i know things will go fine i just hate thinking that she has to go through with it. i am sure i hide my stress about stuff like this too, i don’t like to show it i suppose. and of course most everyone would just attribute my attitude to other things instead of what i’m really upset about so that’s probably why i keep my mouth shut. ughhh….keep your fingers crossed…