you know, i wouldn’t mind so much that people can still be in my head if i wanted them there, it’s the ones that don’t need to be that bother me. everytime i KNOW i’m going to see HER, she’s right there. went to the elevator to go downstairs and just knew i’d run into her…and there she was, she took the stairs and walked around the corner one foot away from me. of course it was almost obligatory that i see them leave for lunch, so that wasn’t unexpected to see them walk out as soon as i was walking in. fucking people…

Quickie:
You thought you could never have anything in common with them. Surprise yourself.

suck me, beautiful.

broken bruised forgotten sore….too fucked up to care anymore…… poisoned to my rotten core…too fucked up to care anymore…..

so i guess i sent a text message to someone who i used to call a friend…i was trashed and i don’t remember doing it or what it said. i got a text reply to something, “it was your choice. you are the one that has said things and made things more difficult and there isnt a whole lot more to say about that.” so…whatever that means and whatever that was a reply to. i replied back and said i don’t remember doing it and to just forget anything i said. of course it makes me curious about the “…made things more difficult…” part. i guess my behavior and existence is just SUCH burden on people. i had perhaps thought that maybe i’d been mistaken about a few things…but with direct words like that, i know i’m not. it’s too bad that people won’t understand…a girl can be replaced, they all have vaginas…but you can’t replace your friends. i dreamt of a pig…a small one, i don’t remember what the issue was, it’s fading so fast. i was supposed to do surgery on this thing, alone, that was the deal. there were certain stipulations to follow as well but i can’t remember all of it…then the pig started communicating with me and explained how it simply wanted to die…it’s entire existence was just painful and uneventful…it’s owner was mean and such..i dunno, very weird. i remember the owner showing up and throwing a fit because the surgery wasn’t done…then i started yelling at him that he doesn’t even care, that i’m keeping the pig…yeah, wtf… oh, and she-hag was in parts as well, i remember her with a baby, not the current one, but a new one…i remember it being small and bald, and holding it…watching it smile and laugh at me when i played with it (i dont know if it was m/f) and something with someone close to me being upset and in pain…and holding her on my lap and in my arms as she bawled endlessly on my shoulder…seems to be my pattern…

so i called my mom to make sure she didn’t forget to mail the tax papers…and she was at the post office packing the envelopes. same thought, same time.

everywhere i fucking walk today shallow is right in my fucking face. of course she won’t stay on her own fucking floor, that would be too easy. people sicken and disgust me so much. she looks to have put on a few pounds too. let go of your fucking animosity for me so i can get on with my life. quit looking at me everytime i walk by, quit catching eyes with me.

i act “girly” when i’m drunk…you act like a cunt. i am “clingy” when i’m drunk…you act like a whore. i’m small framed without broad shoulders…you have wide hips and a thick ass. i have a nose ring…you’ll never wear a ring. what else is on my mind…..

There you are my precious
Not long ago
Hiding behind the shadows
Of your broken soul
Why is it always you want something you can never have?
Why did you you try to tell me?
How could you be this way

Your throat, I take grasp
Can you feel the pain?
Then your eyes roll back
Can you feel the pain?
Love racing through my veins
Can’t you feel the pain?
Your heart stops beating
Can’t you feel the pain
Black orgasms
Can’t you feel the pain
I kiss your lifeless skin
Can’t you feel the pain