i posted more new pics on my photo album…now faces can be matched with derogatory names.

mass murder makes me happy dead bodies make me happy say what you will of me i’ll always have juggalo family

i fucking hate…you.

Why did I ever give a fiuck about you….its painstakingly obvious that
I was just a fucking way to get you past everything you don’t want to
face…whatever…you want something so completely different from
me…same as the other one…and she fucking knows her regret…do you?
Maybe you won’t see it until its too late…but I’m sure you will see
it…and I’m sure all those truly close to you will point out your
mistakes…but hopefully I will be so far gone by then I won’t give a
shit about what you think or feel…hopefully it won’t matter to me at
alll…the same way it doesn’t fucking matter to you…how I was just a
fucking stepping stone for you to replace everything you fucking needed
in life….companionship, friendship, someone to make you deel
wanted….fuck you. You wanted to fuck me and you did….I enjoyed the
time we had, and you hold your own in bed, but its nothing to brag
about….I can find the same in anyone else. Keep trying to convince
yourself that you are different, you’re exactly the same in my
book….and you don’t hold a candle to some of the girls I’ve
dated….keep thinking shallow, that you’re so much better and so much
more attractive…keep thonking that you made such a diffewrence in my
life…only human. Don’t forget that. Only human.

Hips….Tits…….. Lips………Power……

i woke up today to find myself in the other place with a trail of my footprints from where i ran away it seems everything i’ve heard just might be true and you know me (well you think you do) sometimes, i have everything- yet i wish i felt something do you know how far this has gone? just how damaged have i become? when i think i can overcome it runs even deeper in a dream i’m a different me with a perfect you we fit perfectly for once in my life i feel complete- and i still wanna ruin it afraid to look as clear as day this plan has long been underway i hear them call i cannot stay the voice inviting me away do you know how far this has gone? just how damaged have i become? when i think i can overcome it runs even deeper everything that matters is gone (everything that matters is gone) all the hands of hope have withdrawn (everything) could you try to help me hang on? it runs… i’m straight i won’t crack on my way and i can’t turn back i’m okay i’m on track on my way and i can’t turn back i stayed on this track gone to far and i can’t come back i stayed on this track lost my way can’t come back

so, ays had her birthday party last night, i was a bit late showing up, and then i forgot my damn camera and had to go back and get it so we’d have record of everything 🙂 that and she needed pics to send home, so no biggie for me to go back and get the cam. of course you can find the pics at http://flitzanu.fotopic.net if you want to see. i didn’t get that many, only around 20. i guess she invited like everyone from the 9th floor at work, i saw lots of people there that she works with. it was interesting seeing them away from work, as i’m sure it was the same for them. i talked to her boss quite a bit, she’s a cool chick. alot of ays’ friends were pretty trashed and dancing all over the place…which was cute. unfortunately no one took their clothes off even with the chanting…:( michael came by sorta late, i was already pretty drunk by the time he got there and i think i ranted a bit about things i shouldn’t have, oh well no harm no foul. it happens when i drink. the folks there were pretty cool, everyone was nice. and like i said, i got my cards read again, things seem much better, i have more clarity with a lot of things. it helps to shut things out too, i don’t have a real reason to share so much energy with creatures that don’t respect it, it’s better for me to keep it for myself. there was still a prevalent issue with fire, but less than last time. i like playing with fire, i don’t know why. i’m a sucker for putting my hand in flames and knowing i’m going to get hurt, but that’s life…if i don’t risk it, i’ll never know what’s going to happen. i also can’t base my perception of someone on being hurt every time before…i can’t pretend that one girl is going to do the same as the previous. it is unfortunate that it’s how things are though, everyone wants to judge my actions against the actions of their previous boyfriends…which isn’t fair but still…that’s all they know. maybe some day people will figure it out, they’ll notice that people are different and we can’t base all reactions to the past. well, i went off on a tangent there…anyway. it was a card with the knight offering me a cup of fire…and i’m sure i’ll drink from the flames again, i’ll taste the fire once more, even though it has always burned me so badly in the past. i’ll reach for the burning embers again and again. i think the flame relates to someone different than i once thought though, i’ve had some thoughts that haven’t made sense lately, and i don’t think that i saw the right person in my visions of the flames. i can’t say much about it, but for a couple of you that think it may be you, don’t let flattery go to your heads.

omg this rulz so much…this band is hilarious…look into them. yes, this is spelled how they’d pronounce the words in the song. — Prostitoute. I haite you. Put down de Oreo craikers, and quit doing de sex. Thais is for you. Hay, girl, if it waisn’t for you; Evaryday after school I haive nothing to do. I waint to your house like evary day, You were stupid baish cause you gaive me some play. But I didin’t like it, waisn’t very good. Now you are prostitoute of neighborhood. And chocolaite cake, and chocolaite pie; Thait is how you get, very big thighs! -Chorus- And I do not laike your very big thaighs. Besaides, you have beain with too many guys. And I do not like your cottage cheese piaes. Besaides, you have beain with too many guys. Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! You did sex, you need to stop. Evaery guy is not lollipop! If you turned to dinosaur whain you did de sex, Evaery day you would be de Tyranisours Rechx. If whain you did de sex I got a nickle, I would have enough to buy a new tricycle. Thain I could buy and brand new pair of painny shoes. But lookout baish, you maight gaish HIQ. Now you are prostitute who taills laies. Got no frainds so you sit der and cry. Chopey Chen Choppey Ching Choppey Chai. You have beain with too many guys! -Chorus- And I do not like your cottage cheese thaigh. Besaides, you have beain with too mainy guys. And I do not like your poo-poo thaigh. Besaides, baish you have beain with too many guys. Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! You eat chocolaite cake and chicken. You spaind too much taime in the kitchain. You touch my hot stick, thain I weaint to dinner. Then you tried to move, and to thumb Mrs. Whinners. You said give me turkey breaist, and turkey leaig. Baish, you should enroll waith Julie Craig. You know who you are and it’s not a surprise. Besaides baish you have beain waith too many guys! -Chorus- And I do not laike your cottaige cheese thaigh. Besaides, you have beain with too many guys. And I do not like your poo-poo thaighs. Besaides, you have beain with too many guys. Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it baish, stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it baish, stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it baish, stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Not 10 guys, not 18 guys, not 2 1/2 guys, not 100 guys, not 800 guys, not chu-chu guys, not 30 guys, too many guys!

i cant fucking sleep….i’ve been half awake since 3am tossing and turning. this fucking blows. its fucking storming outside too, has been all night. of course it’s the solstice, nature needs to show some power. i had a good reading last night from ays’ friend, my cards are showing improvement. still…fire was highly visible in things. there was a lot more water involved which was good…but still, the one that may be coming to me soon will be offering a cup of fire…which i so love to taste….i don’t think the fire is the one i believed it was before, i think it’s a different one. i had a blast at ays’ birthday party last night too, tons of people were there from work, like most of the 9th floor so that’s cool. i’m too tired to write about it right now so i’ll do it later with details. i’m posting pics as well so watch for that.