Pretend that emotional love and hate can be defined within a scale. -100 (Hate) 0 (Neutrality) +100 (Love) One must love something before it can be hated. Love and hate are the same emotion, they are simply on opposite spectrums. Hatred cannot exist for a being that exists as 0 or neutral. There must be placement either on the positive or negative scale for the emotion of love/hate to increase or decrease accordingly. One cannot truly hate a person without truly loving them first. A person has the ability to instill one end of the spectrum, love or hate, in another person, but that emotion is not possible without direct influence or contact with said person. I love to hate you, and I hate to love you. It’s all the same anymore, pick your path and walk it, don’t be a fucking lukewarm side-shifter and balance on the line. i’m no longer pretending to behave the way i wish i were, it has simply created no new avenues of existence or experience for me, i was obviously better the way i was. i’ve felt so good today to be so fucking detached and disillusioned, it makes me revel in the fact that i am alone, and i will continue to be alone. i’m learning happiness in being without another soul to touch or hold, i have my fucking dreams. the dreams i have are much more sensual and real than so-called “life” anyway, i just wish the ones i dreamed about weren’t real, i wish they simply existed in my dreams so i don’t have to see or think about how such dreams are to remain in my head. follow your dreams? no, don’t, i wouldn’t suggest it. you’ll only burn your fingertips reaching for the stars that shine in your beautiful imagination of bliss, we’ve all had it happen. not one of us has had a truly remarkable existence, we’ve all felt pain and sorrow, we’ve all felt joy and happiness. at least we’ve all “felt” something. at least i had my time and my moments to share emotion with another spirit, and it is time to move on. no more pity, no more guilt, no more nervousness or uneasiness. and especially, no more fucking attachment. my heart aches, my feelings yearn, my senses anticipate, and for what? something that is never going to be there. someone that is never going to respond. some notion that doesn’t even exist….the notion of finding happiness within another human being. i’ll watch you crumble, i’ll watch you fall, and after you pick yourself up, i’ll watch you turn your back and walk away.