i’m going to say things…i’m going to do things…i’m going to be things…that you don’t like…
i’ll say things that will hurt you, i’ll say things that will make you laugh…i’ll say things that will do nothing at all…
my hands typed what i wanted to say, though my lips would never utter those things for fear of being passed off as some simple joke…but i meant them. i don’t know why, i don’t know anything…just that i wasn’t simply babbling. it was bad of me to do, i’m sure, it seems a recurring pattern…but at times it’s difficult for me to find refrain.
and you said i’m shy….well, that’s only the half of it. there’s so many things people don’t know…and even more that they wouldn’t understand. most of it is better left unsaid…because you’d only try to use it against me if you knew about it…and the less you know the better.
i’m losing track of thought, maybe i wasn’t ready to write, i really don’t know what i’m going to say. maybe i don’t know what to say because i know it won’t be read, so am i writing for me or for an audience? who knows…who cares….
my eyes are dangerous…i realize i look at every pretty girl i see…and i want to see them smile, i want to watch their cheeks turn red with shyness and embarassment…i want to say things that they don’t expect…
i know i didn’t think this way with Shehag, i’m confused and just, i dunno…my eyes shouldn’t wander and my heart shouldn’t question things. it’s not fair if it does, i can’t pretend to be able to stop it, my heart controls me and where i go…
and sometimes i fear it IS her…although we never even speak…it could be the one thing that keeps my mind and heart doubtful…even to those who’ve done me no wrong…is it you? are you keeping me from disappearing? are you keeping me grounded? i’m not even sure i’d want you to let go…whether it’s for my own good or not…
…all alone i seem to break…

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Jayme
It’s nice to see that you’re making good use of your time. Very nice.
Reply(1)5 years ago

Daniel Self
always! nothing like being melodramatic on an internet blog to pass the time.
5 years ago