there have been a lot of things going on in my head lately…some of you know, some of you don’t…and honestly…i don’t paint a clear picture.
all i paint is negativity and distaste.
well, it isn’t true.
i’ve said hurtful things about a person very close to me, the girl i love, Jennifer.
in my mind…i make the error of saying things directed to one person, and i don’t consider the perspective that it gives others…that it creates such a damaging image of her, and it isn’t fair, PERIOD.
to me…i care very little about what the world thinks and says of me…regardless of what some of you may think…especially about me feeling like such an outcast and feeling so hated by society. that shit simply isn’t true. do i want people to like me? sure. am i gonna lose sleep over you calling me names? insulting my writing? demeaning my lifestyle? defaming my music taste? attacking my creative expression? no…i’m not gonna lose sleep. sticks and stones, my friends, sticks and stones. sure i may harp on the random comments made by others, and it may seem that i let them get under my skin…but not really. they’re just entertaining and it makes me smile to laugh and joke at them.
i digress.
so, my outlook on others…my feelings of their views…is phenomenally different than most everyone else. well…there’s one of the big differences with me and jennifer. and by no means is it a negative thing, and i’m not calling her out on it…EVERYONE cares what others think, especially about the ones you love. i simply feel differently about it…and those types of things don’t hurt me.
well, they hurt her, and with justified cause. the things i say often create a bad picture of her, and no one gets to see the positive. she is caring, thoughtful, intelligent, loving, sexy…the list goes on. she has done MORE for me lately than i could ever list…even now…she’s letting me crash with her because my water is leaking under my bathroom and i have it shut off until i can get it fixed. she didn’t have to do that. very easily she could say no to me, and i’d make do, but she was the first person i ran to. i have no doubts or no regrets about my feelings toward her, even though we have our quabbles and tiffs. the scary part is simply that…she always feels like home as soon as i’m in her arms. everything simply disappears and all the pain goes away.
i’m still getting off track.
point is…i’ve painted a bit of a picture that i didn’t mean to paint, and please…if you love and respect me as a friend…don’t hold my writings as your basis of opinion for her or for our relationship. our feelings are strong…very strong…and we have been struggling through a lot of things. am i bad for not considering her feelings when i say some of the things i say? of course…but it is simply a concept that is a bit alien to me. i should see and understand that perspective without it being pointed out…but i don’t, and i haven’t. and now i do.
i’m openly apologizing…my words have been a bit hurtful lately, and please, don’t let me influence your opinions.
if you have any issues with what i’m saying…well, don’t. it isn’t open for discussion. everyone doesn’t have to get along, everyone doesn’t have to love each other, everyone doesn’t have to play nicely. i’m simply asking that all of you respect her as you respect me, and understand that i’m doing what my heart guides me to do right now.
it is time for me to focus on the positive and abandon some of the facetious insults and meanness that i’ve shown publicly in my words.
jennifer…i’m sorry. my words have hurt you, and for that i truly apologize.
(and if you leave a negative comment, it’s getting erased, i don’t care who you are, i’m not allowing anything negative or out of place on this one)

————

scott king
You have a good heart, and I believe your intents are good. Even though your intents are total world domination. Your mind control skills are at their peak. What shall we do for you our great master…
Reply4 years ago

Montega
I love ya both to pieces!
Reply5 years ago

The Dalai Mama
You shouldn’t apologize for anything that you feel or write. This is your blog and that is what they are here for. Also, when you and I talk- you ALWAYS speak highly of her.
Reply5 years ago

Lizz Mozingo
See? I told you so, Daniel.
Reply5 years ago

She B
u are god and you control my mind. u are confusing me! haha no Im kidding. who cares? really… if anyone thought you wouldnt get ‘back together’ they are ignorant b/c thats what people do, you vent to your friends. I beieve the friends clause states hate who I hate when I hate them and be happy when I love them again
Reply5 years ago

~Princess of Pain~
It doesn’t happen too often….but….I AM SPEECHLESS!!!!!!!

We have been through a lot and you are NOT to blame for all of it, PLEASE know that. Believe me, I know I have been a huge bitch to be around the last month or so (we’ve done the same things to each other, I just don’t happen to put it in print…no trail…have I taught you nothing), and I’m sorry – no matter what is going on with me & my life I shouldn’t take it out on you or ANYONE else! You know I think you are amazing & I love spending time with you. We are just very different & have to get used to that. Aren’t you supposed to be here by now? Jeez…..

You like how I said I’m speechless & then continued to type….

Man…I bet your friends are tired of hearing about our shit. : )
It does keep it interesting at times.

See you soon
Reply5 years ago