so i dreamt of someone. havent actually had dirty dreaams of them before. quite interesting…but at the same time i guess a bit awkward? and there was another girl in the room? kinda sexy.
-Sent from my Helio.

——–
1andonlybuckley
Dude quit dreaming about me
Reply2 years ago

they call me griff
mhmm always fun being watched ^_~
Reply2 years ago

NIN – 1000000

Kind of hard
Hard to see
When you crawl
On your hands and your knees
With your face
In the trough
Wait your turn
While they finish you off
Don’t know when it started
Don’t know how
Should have found out
Should have happened by now
Got these lines
On my face
After all this time
And i still haven’t found my place

I jump from every rooftop
So high so far to fall
I feel a million miles away
I don’t feel any thing at all

I wake up
On the floor
Start it up again
Like it matters anymore
I don’t know
If it does
Is this really all
That there ever was?
Put the gun
In my mouth
Close your eyes
Blow my fucking brains out
Pretty patterns
On the floor
That’s enough for you
But i still need more

I jump from every rooftop
So high so far to fall
I feel a million miles away
I don’t feel any thing at all

i’m still looking for it.

i really do just want someone to be there at the end of the day to make me smile the way i used to.

—–
The Dalai Mama
Step one: Stop being so shallow when it comes to women.
Step two: Listen to step one.
Step three: Know that I love you and want what’s best for you.
Reply2 years ago

someone got me into a convo about someone from “way back when” and i guess it just resurfaced some of those emotions from the time.

i miss having a home life.

i miss having security and a partner to laugh with.

i miss having a a girl’s skin next to mine when i sleep.

sigh.

thing is, you’re all just the same person with a different face. what i find in “them” i can find in others. its the familiarity, and the events can be repeated with anyone else.

being said, its still nice for someone to be there.

——-
Mike Cooper
its only a failure if you fail to learn from the mistakes. peace be with you brother. right intention, right mind.
Reply3 years ago

She B
thats sadly true huh?well until you find the “keeper”
Reply3 years ago

Sarah
Spoken like a true Aquarian.
Reply3 years ago

and here we are.

i want unabashed truth…and i can’t make my fingers type the words.

i’ve slipped further from people lately than i ever have in my life…but does it feel good? i’ve had less stress. i’ve had fun not worrying about people. i’ve had fun being free from my emotions.

but to what end?

it just feels like i’m hiding from myself, and i guess in a way i am. i want to scream about my adoration, but i’m sick of my words falling on deaf ears.

and yes, actions speak MUCH louder than words. tell me you love me, tell me that you miss me…but if you continue to show me the opposite time and time again…why am i supposed to believe it?

how fitting…the new NIN…the words being repeated right now…”i don’t feel anything…i don’t feel anything at all…i feel a million miles away”

i will always be there for those who reach their hands, but i’ve been so drained and i have nothing left to give. and now i’m left waiting for someone to charge me again. i need something that no one is giving, and i don’t know where to turn.

love is turning to cynicism…and i don’t want that. i don’t want bitterness. i want to smile when i get texts or when i hear from someone, and right now i just don’t.
next weekend will mark a year for a beautiful night and a beautiful event…the culmination of dreams and anticipation…those lips i dared to taste. everything changed in that one instant…and they’ve never been the same.

tell me why the fuck someone can have such an impact on my life and my heart?

“once i start i cannot help myself…”

bat your eyelashes and tell me everything is going to be ok.

——-
Morgan Blackdragon
Sorry we missed you the other night at Assimilation. We haven’t been doing anything in that “scene” for a while now. Too much drama. We’re avoiding the messes and spending less money so it’s all good. Only bad thing is not seeing much of our friends on that side… We’ll get back out soon or do something. We want to do a BBQ or something at our place this summer.
Reply3 years ago

She B
as far as the friend thing you KNOW I have been thinking/feeling the same. Im tired of me doing the calling/inviting. but you know I hardly care anymore, Im having a good life
Reply(1)3 years ago

She B
i wasnt pointing the finger at u, just agreeing babe!
3 years ago

Xx*FemCore*xX
Maybe you should try returning e mail or text banana…..
I love you, i miss you, i miss your voice
Xo~LasheS~xO
Reply3 years ago

Xx*FemCore*xX
Maybe you should try returning e mail or text banana…..
I love you, i miss you, i miss your voice
Xo~LasheS~xO
Reply3 years ago

time to realize what i’ve done…and to realize that i am EXACTLY like every person that complains to me about being mistreated.

i tell them to do something about it and stop being an option…and what do i do?

that’s right.

i do nothing. i allow it to happen to me…over and over…and over…and over.

being selfish keeps you safe.

time to keep myself safe.

how are my words useful if i can’t follow them myself?

well, i did finally hear the truth about a situation in the past…actually, right around a year ago…and now i can admit my assumption was wrong. i must say though, that even though someone is a perpetual liar…hearing one story that the person told the truth about…doesn’t change the nature of a character.

and…at least i don’t have to wonder anymore, and i can be friends with the other person involved. especially since i run into them all the time lately…haha.

———
scott king
Do tell more… We like a good whore story…
Reply(1)3 years ago

The Dalai Mama
Oh, you can read about her on any bathroom wall in Tulsa. Hell, you can ask about her in any of the Tulsa area bars. I’m surprised that she hasn’t tried to sleep with you yet.
3 years ago

The Dalai Mama
Are we referring to the “Princess of Promiscuity”? 😀
Reply3 years ago

a random click took me to this post for some reason, so here it is…a visit to the past.

—

so what the hell is attraction? is it the yearning to be close to someone? is it the yearning to fuck someone? is it the yearning to elicit an emotion?

…..or could it be something utterly superficial that is only related to our own subjective vision of aesthetics….who knows.

i believe i’ve ran into a few epiphanies lately that i’m obviously going to share.

i have had many conversations with a friend lately concerning relationships, and it really made me think alot about how i used to act/react in the past, and at times it makes me want to cry (if only on the inside) to see how horrible i must have been to certain people. and no, this is not a guilt trip or a self-loathing post, i simply have been able to see a bit clearer what type of creature i was portraying. was i really SO detached and unresponsive as people have told me? i guess at first when people told me that they thought crystal and i acted more like “friends” than boyfriend/girlfriend i wanted to brush it off and just think that maybe our attitudes portrayed otherwise…but it seems that the ATTITUDE was the base of why people told me. sometimes things go beyond a simple hug, a touch of the hand, a slight kiss on the cheek, or even a hand on the shoulder…sometimes they are as heartfelt as a loving stare, a longing in the heart that emanates into the air, or even just a smile at the face of the one you love…and how FUCKING EASY these things can be at times to show, and yet we refuse to do so, or pretend that we don’t know how to express ourselves…of course psychology dictates that we are a (pseudo) product of our environment, and we respond the way in which we know best, be it affectionate or non-affectionate…but love and care are bases of our personality that everyone has, and i am under the heavy belief that ALL of us are able to express SOMETHING to another person. think of the person at the receiving end that never sees those eyes they love staring back at them, the shivers of passion swelling down their body as their lover comes close to them and breathes in their soul…. fucking show someone you care and love them!!

i TRULY am grateful for that girl walking out of my life, for i am now able to understand what i have done and what i want to do. her path and goals were not in line with my own, and i am slowly realizing that i’m better able to walk on my own two feet with the knowledge that i have gained. i can see full circle the person i was and the person i had become, and with that experience, i can see the type of person i am striving to be now, and the person i hope to stay. i was as detached as my zodiac would allow, the mind of a dreaming Aquarius that roamed freely and cared nothing of what the other world felt because of that escape…i shut myself off so deeply that i don’t think i even felt my own pain and anguish, let alone my own happiness. hardly would i admit that the thought of that union ending had once crossed my mind, and i can’t say it was because of a situation, perhaps it was my own personal omen trying to help me notice the incurring damage i was causing. i turned my back on that side of me, i do not want to return to that side of my life and personality again….i want to continue to feel SOMETHING, if only for a fleeting moment at a time.

among the many things that i have begun to understand, another was my path of the “friend” that i’m always on, and that i constantly saw this as a negative path, and the more i am able to focus on it, i’m starting to believe that perhaps it’s best. i have numerous complications of the flesh and of the mind that i could hardly explain in the short amount of time that one has within a conversation….there are so many things to say that cannot be a summation or pressed into brevity. i am a mass of confusion and derelict thoughts at times, and i preemptively give praise to any of those who make true effort to listen and comprehend some of the things i divulge about myself. i am easy to like, easy to love, and overlooked to be in love with. anyone can be my friend, and there seems to exist an extremely miniscule line between friendship and relationship. my more recent experiences with such things have shown me that within two hours of conversation i have usually crossed that line, and once that line is passed from one side to the other, there is no changing sides. i inevitably make a better friend than lover to 90% of the world i experience, and while at first is disheartening and depressing, the idea has increasingly become more bearable and understandable. if i can soak someone’s melancholy and give them a smile in return, then perhaps i’m doing better for them this way. and sure, it hurts to think i might make someone happy and they in turn go home to someone else and express that love and emotion while i go home alone, i can find some serenity in knowing that i’ve at least helped, if only for a singular moment.

my mind has starting melting, and thoughts are fleeting…i do fear that i might lose myself in the eyes of something that i can’t touch. please, someone help keep my feet on the ground and my heart inside my chest.

some things are never meant to be grasped, some hearts are never meant to be felt. i’m not an option in those eyes.

and of the comments i’ve heard, i have felt some confusion…i’ve not been told i’m attractive recently, the words that have been used are adorable, cute, and beautiful….hearing those words from women tend to make me blush and feel embarassed….i’m not sure how to respond. even as recent as saturday night i saw an old face that i hadn’t seen in years and she told me i looked beautiful. perhaps they aren’t speaking of the exterior.

alas, i’ve lost true direction of thought forming into words, and so i end.

——-
http://flitzanu.livejournal.com/132083.html

—

also…in added interest and totally irrelevant, With Teeth was released 5/3/05. yes, that’s really what i’m listening to.

——–
Kaycee Johnson
Do explain. Im a little confused.
Reply3 years ago

She B
too long, cant read
Reply3 years ago

Tuesday, Apr 22nd, 2008 — It’s not that you are emotionally disconnected from what’s happening; it’s just that you might not be as easygoing as others are today. You may be legitimately concerned about an injustice; however, instead of blaming someone else, change your own thinking. You have the power to spontaneously override those who may be standing in your way.

“you have the power to spontaneously override those who may be standing in your way.”

sound familiar?

——

Random
Nope ??? 🙂
Reply3 years ago

….its mostly a blur.

i remember falling off the stage (and not breaking an arm…), seeing lots of people i knew (and that didn’t recognize me), and spilling vodka down the front of my chest.

and i remember a few personal moments with people…

i also threw up.

if anyone wants to fill in the blanks of the night for me…please do!

———–
She B
OMG, richard was like, is he david souders, and I was like uh no why would he be? hahaha he will love that
Reply3 years ago

Kaycee Johnson
You threw up the vodka i sent your ass!
Cheers biooooootch.(aka, david sauders)
Reply3 years ago

they call me griff
omg you got so drunk
Reply3 years ago

Mel D W.
i cheered for you for king !
Reply3 years ago

Spirited
You looked fantastic! It is a pity Teen Wolf won Prom King…you deserved it. Lol…
Reply3 years ago

David Cummings
I thought you wrote 80s pron.

I remember my high school reunion back in 2000 or 2001. It was a bad night. I smoked 2 packs of cigs, drank about 90 bucks worth of drinks, and ate half a bottle of mini thins. I dont know why I did all that, maybe nerves or boredom. I had the worst hangover in my life after that. It lasted about 2 days and I was immobile for the whole day after.
Reply3 years ago

shanna
It seriously took me a few minutes to realize who you were. Haha! Glad you were having fun! I think we all were!
Reply3 years ago

Corey
I loved your Davit Souders costume.
Reply3 years ago