so i change my tune, i reconfigure my personality. and what happens? seemingly nothing. all the things i try to avoid still come up, why do i continue to try so fucking hard with everything? i don’t know why it isn’t in my nature to fucking let go and give up…coldness and apathy are so […]

Which Magical Order Are You In? brought to you by Quizilla

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jeez i’m sickly….my chest is all congested, my head is stuffy, my nose is running…my body aches and shivers….such a nice day. i HAVE to go to work, i can’t miss any time…bah. oh well, maybe i’ll feel better when i get up and outside. yeah right. c’est la vie. or whatever.

so i dreamt and had a full night of travels last night, such a wonderful time for once. i’ve never felt so much fucking anger and bitterness in my life….well, perhaps once when i first heard of the true news. somehow crystal had contacted my mom and wanted to hang out with her, so they […]

i’ve done it, finally. i lost grip with my emotions, i’m shutting them off once more. i only cause myself pain, i only cause myself anger….i’m not doing this to myself anymore. it was a failed experiment to try to be encouraging, caring, compassionate, loving, emotional….it was all bullshit. this is not who i am, […]

What kind of Goth would you be? brought to you by Quizilla

Pretend that emotional love and hate can be defined within a scale. -100 (Hate) 0 (Neutrality) +100 (Love) One must love something before it can be hated. Love and hate are the same emotion, they are simply on opposite spectrums. Hatred cannot exist for a being that exists as 0 or neutral. There must be […]

i wonder what today has in store for me…….i’m going to have to face some people i don’t really want to see, i’m sure. oh well, i can pretend. i was able to hide my feelings at one time, i was able to swallow everything and appear unscathed and unhurt, i still have the ability. […]

i should be used to it by now, i don’t know why i pretend that it isn’t going to happen, i can’t figure out why i act so shocked when the things come up. i put such faith in those small exhalations of breath in between softly spoken words, and it always seems that the […]