i think i’m slowly realizing that i’ve lost my one constant in my life.  the one who really “got” me.  the one that knows me so much better than myself.  i look in the mirror, and i’m mostly there, but something is just missing.  it’s been too long to keep looking back, and a big […]

It’s so funny how things suddenly lose perspective…when you think things are falling into place, something will come along and throw you off course… I thought I had things under control, and now I feel I’m spiraling again, seeing things in all new light, and it scares me.  It’s so damn hard for people to […]

happy birthday, dear shehag, you’re older and wiser, and even further away this year.  may the stars continue to shine brightly on your soul.

some things are so inescapable…and maybe i’ve been pretending that they don’t bother me.  i’m a sucker for finding punishment in all that i do.  i made the mistake of finding a lot of old chat logs on my computer, and now i wonder if i should have even read them.  i feel empty, desolate, […]

happy bday, baby briana…..

i watched Garden State again (it has natalie portman in it!) and just…wanted to cry.  the amazing beauty of meeting someone who is a total stranger, finding them to complement you so well, falling purely in love and then… would you walk away?  COULD you walk away?  i didn’t realize it the first time i […]

If I smiled at you, would you smile back? If I stared in your eyes, would you blink? If I touched your hand, would you blush? If I pulled you close to me, would you step away? If I breathed on your neck, would you tremble? If my lips brushed yours, would you gasp? Would […]

(black lab) Tell me what to say And I will say it to you… I take one for the heartbreak One for the headache Two for the constant tears I take one for the blindness One for the foolishness Trying to keep you here I would stop waiting Stop crying Stop breathing in, too While […]

6-16-99   Well…what an incredible set of events.  Lo is in the hospital, fucked up over ME, and I’m starting to get strange feelings for D, something about her, but yet I still have incredible guilt for Lo, but she’s right, no one wants a “crazy girl.”  I don’t think I could deal with her […]

6-14-99   Well, missed several dream experiences lately – my third eye seems to be wanting to open…some strange stuff lately.  I found out danielle’s middle name is Lee, yet another “coincidence” I guess.  Strange third eye vision last night of stone walls.  Dreams becoming more vivid and aware…perhaps pure and constant lucidity is near.  […]